Date or Die
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: He'd given up. An eternity of life had broken him, made him jaded with the ways of the world. It all changed when the quakes started. When he met the Spirits; girls who changed his life forever. Now its Date or Die, and try as he might, he just can't bring himself to harm a hair on their pretty little heads! But, will he be able to love again? This tale will tell. Narutoxharem!
1. Date or Die

**A/N: Ooooooooooooooh my Goooooooooooood! Alright, I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm freaking out. Simple. A friend of mine finally badgered me into watching this anime Date A Live, the first season of which runs twelve episodes. Seriously, this girl has been pestering me for MONTHS to watch it, and I kept putting her off. I'm not into those blatant fanservice animes unless they have very very VERY good plot. But my internet was out today, and she popped over with the boxed set, so...I gave it a go.**

**Here is my verdict. BRAVO!**

**To my surprise, while this did have SOME fanservice, the plot, and the main character, were actually rather solid. Funny as hell, too. Protagonist was solid, not wishy-washy, either!**

**Which brings me to my next point. The characters. I have never, in all my life, seen such moe packed into one series.**

**One particular character, Tohka, I believe her name was, is bloody ADORABLE. Look her up on youtube if you don't believe me. And so I thought to myself, hey, why not try to write a crossover with this? I have no hate for Shido-hell, its hard to hate him-but I was curious and wanted to my forte. And on that note, for those of you who have seen Date A Live, I'm sure you know what to expect here. Those who haven't...**

**...I highly reccomend that you watch it, or you're gonna be confused! Barring that, just look at the wiki...and remember, I own nothing but the idea for this story! And on that note, I apologize if its short, but expect big things to come from this story! Needless to say, there's gonna be a few changes, so I apologize if I offend any purists out there...**

"_A spacequake is a general term for occurrence of a large scale disaster. Well, in simple words, one day suddenly in the world somewhere, *DON*, an explosion will occur._"

_~as explained by Tamae-sensei a.k.a Tama-chan-sensei)_

**Date or Die**

Do you know what a spacequake is?

"_A spacequake is a general term for occurrence of a large scale disaster. Well, in simple words, one day suddenly in the world somewhere, *DON*, an explosion will occur._" I suppose that would be one way to explain in loose terms-VERY loose terms!-the incident that claimed over one hundred and million lives in japan.

Alright...that explanation sucked. Hey, I'm a shinobi, not a physicist! Ugh, let me try this again, using the explanation these Ratatoskr folks gave me. Ahem...

Spirits that exist in the alternate dimension that is said to be the neighboring world and would occasionally appear into this world. On these occasions, there would be a large bend in the walls between the dimensions, causing a phenomenon known as a spacequake to occur. Whether it was on a large or small scale– the area where the Spirits would appear would be absurdly destroyed, as though a bomb had exploded. So basically, yeah...

...boom.

To begin with, the world's absolutely terrified of these "space quakes" as it were, even though they're mostly centered around Japan. They'd even formed a task force-the AST, otherwise known as the Anti Spirit Team, I believe it was called-to kill the poor girls and keep these quakes from happening in the first place. That's right, the whole world fears them; they are reviled and hated almost entirely as a whole.

Me?

I find them interesting.

Immensely powerful beings capable of wanton destruction, creatures capable of shrugging off bullets as if they were nothing?! Finally, something to entertain me after all these years of living! Do you have any idea how BORING it is, being immortal?! Nothing to see, nothing to do, and after a few wars, trying to save the world really starts to loose its sheen. But a fight? Yeah, I can appreciate a good fight. Or a prank? Or ramen-great, I gotta get something to eat now...

Anywho, this is my story...the day fate_-really shoulda listened to Kaguya an' killed that troublesome thing when I had the chance-_decided to stick her troublesome fingers in my business and meddle. The day everything changed. Its a happy, silly, sad story, one I don't regret to this day. Ah, but I'm getting way ahead of myself here. My name, is Uzumaki Naruto. This is my story. Don't know if it has a happy ending...yet. Sorta penning this as I go, so...

_...read at your own peril!_

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto was bored.

Not the commonplace boredom that came with a lazy, rainy afternoon; nor was it the fleeting kind that lasted only a few minutes. This was worse. This was the earth-shaking, soul-shattering boredom that built up after years and years and _years _of living, with nothing more than the voices in your head and your own, twisted mind to keep you company. Even adopting a semi-normal life had done little to curb the need for excitement in his life.

"Mwah," he groaned, flopping around in the desk, sprawling as the dismissal bell rang. "I. Am. So. _Booooooooored~!" _His finger poked morosely at the window, and though he could've easily shattered it with a flick of his little finger, the ancient shinobi restrained himself. If he broke the window he'd just get covered in glass, and then the rain would get him wet, which, even with his hyper-metabolism, likely meant a cold...

"Aaaargh!" Swinging away from the window he lunged, planting himself on the ceiling with both feet, sticking there like a spider, uncaring of who saw. Perhaps it was too much to hope that the blood rushing to his head would rid him of this infernal tripe...

Going to school was amusing for the first fifteen seconds or so, but the knowledge that he'd willingly returned to this hellish institution did precious little to curb his lack of enthusiasm. Well, at least the vacation had been entertaining. A merry chase through the city, making the AST think he was a spirit...that never failed to get some giggles. Hmm...maybe he should do that...

**"Can't we do something different this time?"** a dusky, ethereal voice whispered in his ear. **"Running the mortals in merry circles grows tiresome after awhile."**

"Oh, you're still here." his ears perked up as he dropped back to the floor. "I'd thought you clammed up after the last century."

**"Boredom does strange things to ones mind. But you're right, things got a little weird after century five...**

"Sooo, I suppose you're done trying to claim my body and rule the world?" he stared back into the window pane, mildly disturbed by the dual reflection that greeted him. Even after all these years, her appearance never failed to unnerve. He was undying, he'd accepted that much, but the idea of having a living, breathing, honest-to-goodness GODDESS bound to his soul was still taking some getting used to.

**"Naruto, I am a GOD-**

"Right right right," he yawned softly, palming his mouth in a fascimile of a goddess, "I am a Goddess, fear me, all ye puny creatures. Rawr."

**...you're no fun, you no that? None at all. And have you forgotten? You already gave me a body, remember? Why would I need yours?"**

"Aaaaand you're still here because, why?"

**"Bored." **came the deadpanned reply.

"Oi, oi, you starting to sound like Origami-chan...

"Ah. Naruto."

Speak of the devil!

"Osu." He yawned, not looking up. "That'd be me. Leave a message after the beep. Bee_-oomph!"_

Breath gusted out of his lungs as she kicked the chair out from under him, sending the dozing blond crashing to the floor.

"Okay, okay, no need to get angry." The blond sleepily raised his head from where it lay in his folded arms, swinging a hand in acknowledgement as the desk beside him scooted backwards. Tobiichi Origami stared back at him, her once expressionless face bearing a slight scowl, blank eyes regarding him with just a spark of anger. Despite that, he found himself smiling as he lurched to his feet.

"You still mad about that little chase?"

"No."

...do you want something else, then?"

A blink. "Yes."

Girl of few words, this one. He never could figure her out...

"Do you have any plans?"

"Yup." he forced himself to ignore the flicker of dissapointment in her eyes. "I'm meeting Kotori-chan at a restaurant after this."

"Oh, I see...

Without so much as another word, she shuffled off, leaving the room and rounding the bad.

**"I hope you feel horrible for that."** Kaguya said.

He simply sat there for a long moment, letting those words sink in. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"

**"I suppose."**

"Then yes, I do."

**"Ah, the flickering hearts of men."** she preened at the praise.** "Well, at least I'm not trapped as you are."**

At that, the shameless blond finally blanched. "See, now that just _hurts,_ Kaguya-chan...

He was, to his eternal irritation and after years of fruitless experiments, trapped at the age of eighteen. It wasn't that his aging had stopped per se; it was just moving so slowly that his physical age no longer paralleled the mental age of the mind and soul beneath. His near-impervious body had simply stopped changing noticeably. Well, perhaps there _were_ a few changes.

Thanks to the nigh-indestructible Rabbit Goddess sealed inside him he was noticeably taller than his former self, his hair longer, possessing an equally annoying streak of white among the blond; one that seemed to ebb and flow over the ages. It was, as Kotori had so bluntly put it, just a little funny.

_'Onii-chan!'_

Naruto felt his eye twtich at the thought of his silly, drop-kicking, adopted little sister._ 'Right, I DID promise to meet her at that restaurant after school...guess I'd better.'_ In a single movement he rose from the desk, a black blur to those who weren't watching. He liked to think he saw Origami twitch as he blew past her in the hall; that she frowned, just a little, at the explosion of speed.

After all, he had somewhere to be.

No so long ago-to him, at least-he'd promised that Itsuka kid he'd take care of his little sister. He was stuck with her, like it or not. and going back on a promise simply wasn't his style._ 'Sheesh, how did I end up with a little sister? Guess I'm still too nice, even after all these years..._

Unfortunately, the Spacequake alarm chose that moment to sound.

The next few seconds were a bustle of activity; loud, blaring klaxons and a soft, feminine voice warned of the impending disaster. Students filing past him to the nearest shelter, the teacher freaking out...but he barely heard any of it at all. One sentence rang in his mind, over and over and over again:

"Meet me here even if there's a spacequake!"

Shit.

_Aw, crap baskets...why does this shit always happen to me?!_

His feet dragged themselves to a halt for a moment, just a moment, momentum flagging. Then he started running for real.

Floors ruptured.

Windows shattered.

The very fabric of reality bent at the sudden explosion of godlike speed; his body registering as little more than a gold/black streak as it shot past. Skirts shot up in the sudden wind, eliciting a chorus of feminine squeals that, at any other time, he would've been more than happy to witness. Not here. Not now. His mind was focused on a single point, well, two, if one was entirely honest. The GPS on his phone told him exactly where she would be, and his sixth sense only confirmed what he already knew.

A Spirit was coming.

And he was going to be there when it hit.

* * *

Naruto's plan for meeting a Spirit was frighteningly simple. Most people would also consider it stupid, reckless and retarded, but those people weren't him.

He was going to stand at the epicenter of a spacequake and wait. No more watching from a distance, no more wondering just what these creatures were. He would finally know; finally get to speak to one, and if things went well, he might actually have a bit of entertainment-a battle!-on his hands.

After he got Kotori out of here, of course. She took priority, no matter how excited he was.

He couldn't bear to let something happen to her. His superior speed had gotten him here in record time, but alas, she was nowhere to be seen. Of course. That would have been too simple and the universe never did _simple _anymore, oh no! It always had to be complicated...

Inhaling deeply, he opened himself to nature.

As ever the power tried to fight him; it didn't like him, or Kaguya's presence within him. It considered her an abomination, something to be avoided at all costs. She should not exist in the natural order of the world, and neither should he, so he had to fight it, break it, make it bend to him and obey him. Child's play. Being a God had some perks after all. And then, when he finally had it under control, he opened his eyes. Saffron stained his sapphire eyes, the horizontal bars of the toads staring outward at the now-empty block.

Sage Mode.

It revealed absolutely nothing; he couldn't sense anyone in the immediate vicinity. And yet, the phone clearly said she was...wait. He wasn't quite sure what inspired him to look up, only that he did, and _when _he did, a glimmer of refracted light caught his eye. His eyes, eyes that had been trained to see-sense!-the slightest discrepancy in the world, and that cloaked hulk of _something _miles above the diner was certainly not supposed to be there. More importantly, why did he sense Kotori up ther-

BA-KRAM!

**"IDIOT!"**

A deafening crack reached his ears alongside Kaguya's admonishment, flattening his unsuspecting body to the ground. Too late, he realized what was happening. The spacequake wasn't just hitting this area; it'd landed right on top of him. All he could think was to flare his chakra; the shroud that was both his and Kaguya's enveloping him in a single white instant.

And then it was over.

As swiftly as the pressure had come, so too did it vanish.

His eyes, still struggling to adjust to the sudden brightness-and then lack thereof-swung around, seeking some semblance of shape. What he found there baffled him. In place of the street where he'd once stood he was now crouching in a crater easily several miles across; a dip of scorched earth so flattened even the dirt itself looked black. But there, in the center of the crater, at the epicenter of it all, of this strange, twisted, broken world...

...was a girl.

"..."

She was...well, she was certainly something, Naruto thought to himself.

Dark purple hair lofted around a heart-shaped face, from which eyes of bright amethyst shone. Her battle-dress, for he could think of nothing else to call it proved equally inspiring. Gleaming purple plate over cloth over a slim frame, she looked every inch a warrior, ready and willing to battle. Hmm. Perhaps the only description he could think of was _violently_ beautiful. Her body turned slightly, armor rusting in the breeze.

Naruto couldn't help but whistle. "Wow. Not gonna lie, I thought a Spirit would be a lot...scarier."

Finally, she seemed to notice him.

"So...you're here to kill me, too." she asked of him, her soft voice full of sorrow. Naruto blinked, momentarily taken aback, both by the words and the emotion that rushed him. With Sage Mode still active, and his now-white cloak fully focused on her, it was like looking into an open book. The pain, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, it bombarded him with such force that he nearly vomitted. Yes, the intensity of her negative emotions were so powerful that just looking at her made him physically_ ill._

_Why?_

"Eh?" he felt his legs buckle, such was his surprise.

_Why do they want me dead? Not fair. Always rejecting me, always-_

Gasping, he shunted Sage Mode off and returned his senses to his body, focusing solely on his chakra shroud. Look at her still made him uneasy, but she was no longer the writhing storm of sadness and sorrow that had nearly driven him to his knees moments ago. He also became aware of massive sword pressed against his neck.

Wasn't expecting that!

"Um, could you stop that, please?" he asked, reaching up to grab the blade currently biting into his jugular and forcing it away. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Lies!" she snapped. "You're no different than the rest-huh?! L-Let go!"

Dismay flickered in those bright eyes as she realized she couldn't pull the blade away; her own strength was rendered nonexistent before his seemingly simple grasp. Naruto cocked his head aside, smiling. "Will you stop trying to kill me if I do?" Something in that smile only made her fight harder to get free, followed by a series of increasingly pitiful cries as she fought to free her sword. Never once did she consider that she might let go of the blade...

"Can you please stop that?" Naruto frowned, annoyed as she tried in vain to escape. "I came here because I wanted to meet you. Well, to be honest, I wanted to fight you, but now-

"I KNEW IT!" with surprising strength she pulled her sword free, only to foolishly level it at him once more. "You're here to hurt me! Just like the rest!"

"Oi, if you'd just let me explain-oh." the blond felt himself frown as distant pinpricks of lights made themselves known on the horizon. "Heads up!"

Before he could hope to deny even that, the staccato sound gunfire roared towards them, stitching the ground in either direction. Dozens of flying soldiers-all of them coincidentally female-appeared, shooting down from the skies and trying their utmost to obliterate them. Ah. The AST. Then came the missiles. "Don't they realize how futile it is?" The strange girl frowned, raising a hand towards them, deflecting the explosions with some sort of strange shield.

"Oh? A shield? I can do that, too." she started as he rose up to stand beside her, raising an arm of his own. "Here, let me do one better."

"What are you-

**"SHINRA TENSEI!"**

The AST soldiers never saw the massive force until it was too late. A wall of invisible energy rushed up to meet them and suddenly they were flying away into the distance, as though the'd been smacked by the hand of an angry god. Naruto watched his handiwork with sweet satisfaction, snickering softly as they crashed away into the ruin. A blast like that wouldn't kill the girls but it _would_ put them down for the count until he'd finally wrapped things up here.

"There." he nodded, satisfied. Turning back to the baffled maiden, he offered his most winning grin. "Now I can finally talk to you."

Her face was a study of contrasts he thought. She looked like she wanted to punch him clear out of the crater, but at the same time, he sensed a curiosity, a desperate need to trust. At last she lowered her blade, giving him a stern, strangely sad look.

"You...you're not like the others."

His head bobbed sagely. "Not in the slightest. I'm just here to talk to you."

Unbidden he recalled a snatch of her thoughts. _Always rejecting me...always...always...!_ Ah. There was the crux of the matter. She hated being rejected by everyone-by the world-by everything. He knew that pain. He'd carried it inside of himself for years until finally, finally, Iruka had acknowledged him. Then came the others. This girl...she was like him. Somewhere, deep inside of him, he felt a surge of empathy for this girl. No...that wasn't quite right...

"I'm not going to reject you." the words were out, leaping past his lips almost before he could think to stop them.

Urk.

He didn't know it, but in that instant, he'd won. Her eyes locked on him, twin points of light.

"You mean it?"

"Yup."

"Do you really mean it?" the look intensified.

"Sure do."

"Do you really, really mean it?"

"Oi...

Finally, finally, the batte maiden seemed to deflate.

"Who...are you? Baka!" Okay, that was strange.

"Uzumaki Naruto." A blink. "Like I said, I _was _going to fight you, but now I just want to talk."

"Why?"

"It'll sound stupid."

She started to charge an energy blast in her hand. Of course, it wouldn't so much hurt him as it would sting, but she needn't no that. "Alright, alright! Sheesh, no need to singe my coat! Look," he continued, "I...don't fight girls. Its a bit of a principle for me, really. Anyhow, I never got your name."

"What?"

"Don't you have one?" in the distance he could hear the roar of engines the sound of the troops returning. Not a concern, but something to watch out for to be certain.

"A name...?" she frowned at him. "Why would I have such a thing?" _Well, we can't have that,_ Naruto thought to himself.

"Would you like me to give you one?"

Her cheeks turned pink. "W-What?"

Kaguya facepalmed inside of him.** "Typical Naruto...**

"That settles it!" he thrust a finger forward, seizing on a sudden surge of inspiration. "Your name shall be Tohka!"

"Toh...ka?"

She smiled.

It was like a breath of fresh air.

"Yup this is how you spell it." he showed her, scrawling it out with a finger in the ruined dirt at their feet. "I mean, I _could_ call you Ramen, but that just wouldn't fit now, would it? 'Sides, you look like a Tohka to me. So, whadday say?" He patted the spot beside him, sitting stiffly. "Lets talk, Tohka. Unless you want to be called Ramen, because I could always call you that awesome name...

Her cheeks burned slightly as she copied the motion, sitting opposite him. "N-No, Tohka will do...

"Great," he errantly raised a hand, deflecting a stream of bullets. "You start. Where are you from?"

"Well, I-

She flinched slightly as another missile hit their shield. "N-Naruto. You're in danger here, you should-

"Whadday talking about? This is our time to talk. Just ignore them."

Her smile brightened. "Yes!"

They talked for hours, amidst the endless stream of bullets, the gunfire pinging harmlessly off their shields, the gunners themselves flung away time and time again, only to return minutes later.

When they finally ran out of bullets, we were talking. When they gave up and went home for the day, still talking. And when the sun finally slunk away and disappeared over the horizon, we still kept talking. And, for the life of me, I can't remember when we stopped; when I found that I was opening myself to this girl, to this Spirit, letting down my walls for someone I barely knew.

That was the day everything changed.

Yes, that was the day that I met-and named-this strange girl._ Tohka._ In hindsight, it was sorta of the top of my head. I'm not sure why I gave her that name. It just seemed to fit, ya know? I couldn't bear the loneliness in her eyes, the sorrow I sensed in her soul. So I resolved to do something about it. That day, I gave up my foolhardy notion of fighting Spirits. Instead, I swore I wouldn't let her make that face, ever again. So, being my brilliant self, I decided to do something I hadn't done in an age.

I said I'd take her out on a date.

Yes, that's how it happened.

It was the day my life changed forever. Funny thing though...

...did I mention that she had no idea what a date _was?_

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go! An ageless, immortal, or at the very least, ridiculously hard to kill, Uzumaki Naruto, in the Date A Live universe. A cross like this was actually easy to do, given its Japan and all, so I went with it easily. And to those looking forward to my future Naruto self-insert story, I can promise you its-a-comin'! As is my Bleach and One Piece one. If you want to see my first attempt at a Self-Insert story with a twist, be sure to check out Not a Hero on my profile page! **

**I eagerly await your reviews and responses to both that fic, and this!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes you smile. And Review! Or face the wrath of TOHKA! BAHAHAHAHA!**

**(Preview)**

_"Ohhhh?! Is this a date, Naruto?!"_

_An eye twitched. "That's ramen, Tohka. You eat it. Not a date."_

_Tohka's head cocked aside as she slurped out the noodles, like a dog listening for a new sound. "Then what is a date?"_

_He finally told her, hours later._

_"W-Well, a date is when a boy and a girl spend time together-_

_"Is this a date, then?!" __She looked at him with wide, adorable eyes. Naruto was almost blinded by the cute. BLINDED!_

_"Yes. Yes it is."_

_Her squeal was possibly the most soul-wrenchingly sweet thing he'd ever heard._

**R&amp;R!=D**


	2. To Date a Princess

**A/N: Ooooooooooooooh my Goooooooooooood! Alright, I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm freaking out. Simple. A friend of mine finally badgered me into watching this anime Date A Live, the first season of which runs twelve episodes. Seriously, this girl has been pestering me for MONTHS to watch it, and I kept putting her off. I'm not into those blatant fan service animes unless they have very very VERY good plot. But my internet was out today, and she popped over with the boxed set, so...I gave it a go.**

**Here is my verdict. BRAVO!**

**To my surprise, while this did have SOME fanservice, the plot, and the main character, were actually rather solid. Funny as hell, too. Protagonist was solid, not wishy-washy, either!**

**Which brings me to my next point. The characters. I have never, in all my life, seen such moe packed into one series.**

**One particular character, Tohka, I believe her name was, is bloody ADORABLE. Look her up on youtube if you don't believe me. And so I thought to myself, hey, why not try to write a crossover with this? I have no hate for Shido-hell, its hard to hate him-but I was curious and wanted to my forte. And on that note, for those of you who have seen Date A Live, I'm sure you know what to expect here. Those who haven't...**

**...I highly reccomend that you watch it, or you're gonna be confused! Barring that, just look at the wiki...and remember, I own nothing but the idea for this story! And on that note, I apologize if its short, but expect big things to come from this story! Needless to say, there's gonna be a few changes, so I apologize if I offend any purists out there...**

**Also, I have, as of this moment, concluded watching the second season. And I have one thing to say about that. THE TWINS! MIKU! *Nosebleed* Oh, writing for them...thaaat is gonna be one crazy bucket of worms there. Speaking of which, this chapter is all kinds of funny, crazy, and CUUUUUUUUUUTE! With just a weeeeee bit of*ahem* interesting material...Nice and long, to!**

_"Time for the Date! Date date date date DATE!"_

_...you're really looking forward to this, aren't you?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Well, in that case...VIVA LA DATE!"_

_~an amusing conversation between Tohka and Naruto.)_

**To Date a Princess**

Uzumaki Naruto was not pleased.

Not pleased.

Not at all.

On one hand, he'd averted a catastrophic disaster and made a lonely girl smile. On the _other hand,_ his little sister had done him wrong. Terribly wrong. Horribly wrong. Ratatoskr didn't matter to him, the explanation of the Spirits and the need to save them didn't matter, and CERTAINLY neither did her half-hearted apology; what _mattered_ was that he'd been worried sick! How dare his adorable little sister worry him so! _"I can't believe you made me think you were in danger! You should have contact me! What you did was stupid! Reckless!"_

And what had his dear, sweet, adorable little sister done when he'd said this?

She'd simply scoffed and replied: _"Ha? That promise? Did you really think I was serious about that? Onii-chan no baka."_

So what did he do? What possible punishment could he inflict upon her in recompense for this terrible temerity?

Why, this called for nothing less than...

...his ultimate technique!

* * *

"NARUTO SPANK!"

"Ow! Stop! Stoppit! _Stooooooop!_ OW!" Kotori wailed as an open palm ruthlessly descended on her bare backside, leaving a welt the color of her crimson hair on her bottom. "I'm sorry, Onii-chan! I won't worry you like that again!" she cried, trying and failing to keep her composure before her fellow members of Ratatoskr. Yes, this was an utter failure indeed. "Pleeeaaase! I Promise!" Her whining only made it worse-he seemed to take a sadistic pleasure in her futile struggles.

She was still trying to figure out how he'd up and _teleported _into the ship -much less directly to her side!-before she could contact him.

Then he'd promptly proceeded to bend her over his knee and start spanking her like a naughty child.

She'd always known her big brother had strange abilities, but just up and appearing like that...it was ridiculous! SO WAS BEING SPANKED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!

"Moh," she whined for what felt like the umpteenth time, "Stop! I promise I'll be good!"

Naruto glowered. "You promise?"

"Yes! I do!"

"Hmm."

An eye twitched, his hand pausing in its merciless assault for just a moment. "Oh, you _promise_, hmm?" his voice was a silken purr, like a cat about to pounce. And she was the mouse! "Funny thing about that, promises, ya know. You promised never to worry me like that again." Before her eyes, that grin grew. "You _broke_ your promise, my dear little _imouto_. And you know what I do to those who break their promises, don't you?" A tiny knot of dread formed in her stomach as his fingers curled into claws.

"Uhm...

_**"You know, don't you?!"**_ Eeep! He sounded like the devil himself! Kotori gulped. She knew that look. That look was _nothing good!_

...mercy, Onii-chan?"

The expression of her adopted brother was decidedly bleak.

"Reine-san?" he turned his attention to the newly met analyst. "What do you think?"

"Ah." the faintest of smiles pulled upon the silver-haired analyst's lips. "Bad girl." TRAITOR!

"Guilty it is!" he crowed. "Judgement must be delivered!"

"THAT'S NOT HELPING!"

A few quiet snickers greeted her ears. Kotori felt her flush deepen. "Kannazuki! Do something!"

"Mmmph. Mhrmrph! _MPMRHPH!"_ Her vice-commander groaned around wet rag currently obscuring his mouth. Naruto didn't even glance at the blond; still feebly trying to inch-worm his way across the deck. Considering his body was currently wrapped in rope, it was pointless to say that he failed miserably.

Suddenly he grinned, his hand rising to cast poor Kotori's face in shadow once more.

"Now then, let us begin round two ~!"

"NO! I won't be able to sit for a week at this rate! _ITAI!"_ The little redhead squeaked and squealed in his grasp as his hand fell upon her again, desperately trying to wriggle out from underneath that arm pinnioning her to his lap and trapping her in this torment. But she couldn't! It was like trying to dislodge an elephant and swim upstream at the same time. Utterly impossible. In the end she was forced to ride it out, wait until her beloved older brother finally exhausted his wrath.

Five minutes later, it finally was, and she was allowed to reclaim some semblance of modesty.

No way was she going to tell him she'd actually _liked_ it by the end...maybe...kinda...

"My modesty...!" she groaned. "Naruto no baka! I'll never be able to get married now!"

"Ara," his head cocked aside, like a dog listening to a new, strange sound. "I thought you wanted to marry your precious Onii-chan?"

_'HOW DOES HE KNOW?!'_

Atomic. Red. That was the best color to describe her face right now.

"I...you...that's...?!"

"Hmm? Is there something you want to say, my dear, sweet little sister?" He grinned, pearly white teeth flashing with eerie menace._ Nope,_ she decided to herself, _not even gonna mess with this one._ She already knew bloody dangerous her big brother could be so nope-so lots of nope with this nope. Extra nope! That look did not even _exist. _She was going to forget this, she was going to pretend that these last ten minutes, traumatic and slightly arousing as they were, never happened.

Because there was no in _hell _that she was going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he'd ruffled her feathers.

"So?" Flushing, she squirmed off his lap and yanked up her skirt, preserving her modesty. Almost immediately afterward she faced away from, trying her utmost not to rub her increasingly sore rear. "What're you going to do now?" For a what'd

Naruto sighed.

"Isn't it obvious?"

His eyes traced back toward the image. The Spirit named Princess-Tohka!-stared back, the image from hours before still vivid in his mind, haunting him with those sad eyes. What was it about her that drew him in? He didn't know. But he did know one thing. He didn't want her to make that face ever again. God, it was such a silly thing...

"I'm going to keep my promise."

"Good, good." Kotori nodded her agreement, the motion sending her twintails bobbing. "Well then, its just a matter of waiting for her to pop again, then-

"About that...

"Hmm?" red eyes fluttered open and shut, baffled. "What did you do?"

...I may have already asked her on a date."

There was a silence. And then.

And _then:_

_"Ha?!"_

* * *

Naruto returned to the epicenter of the quake that very next afternoon.

Golden rays of bright sunlight slashed across his vision as he boldly trekked through the ruin, bounding over potholes and nimbly avoiding crumbling buildings. He'd come back here mainly upon a whim, mostly; perhaps hoping that he'd encounter her here. Hell, he'd even wore his school uniform for the occasion, hoping it might somehow draw Tohka back out.

"Ah, there it is."

But all he found was ruin and debris. Everyone had long since cleared out after the quake, the buildings abandoned and forgotten. Possessions claimed and taken at some point during the night. Humans truly were fickle creatures. They were ugly, selfish, despicable...and cruel. He smiled at the thought. Odd, how he didn't consider himself one. The few mortals he did care for barely numbered the fingers of his right hand. Beyond those, he had no significant bonds beyond tying him to this day and age.

And yet...

...and yet he'd actually felt something here yesterday, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

_Compassion._

Not to say he didn't feel as a normal person did, of course. His capacity for them was simply reduced. Greatly. Years of living with an immortal Goddess in your head tends to made one quite jaded; centuries of living-of watching-all the world around him grow old had done more than that. It had broken something in him.

For so long he'd walled himself off from the world, his promise to Kotori the only thing keeping him afloat in an otherwise monotonous existence. He aimed to keep that promise; he would look after her, always, but the bonds of family only went so far. Origami was another strange one, a tiny thread that tethered him to his own humanity. This was different. It was as if, somehow, Tohka had reached right into his heart and plucked all the right strings in all the right places. And it hadn't even been intentionally!

But now...eh, it couldn't hurt to try and pull a page from his old playbook.

Sucking in a deep breath, he called for her.

_"Tohka!"_

Silence answered him. Then:

"Is it time for our date?!"

"SON OF A-?!" The normally stoic shinobi yelped in surprise as she immediately answered him. "WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?!"

"You called me, didn't you?" There she was -standing behind him, that cheeky little devil! -grinning like a child in her armor. She'd simply.._.appeared._ One moment she hadn't been on his mental radar, the next, she lit up his senses like a solar flare. It wasn't everyday that someone just slipped through his guard like that. Something else, too. A gleam of concern flashed through his eyes at those words, the corner of his mouth briefly tightening down into an uncertain frown. He hadn't noticed it until now, but...

...there had been no spatial quake. Not even an alarm.

"Well, that was quick."

"Of course it was!" she chirruped happily, moving to his left side. "You called me! Hey?!" those bright eyes narrowed suddenly, fixing him with a look of white-hot intensity. "You never told me what a "date" was, either." at his stoic silence she pouted, planting her hands firmly upon her hips. "Well, Naruto? It's time for our date! Date, date, date, date! _DATE!"_

"Alright, alright! Keep your panties on! Sheesh!" the ancient blond sighed, finding himself sucked into her pace. "In any case, your clothes stand out too much. Might wanna change those."

Her cheeks burned. Brightly.

"A-A-A-Are you telling me to strip?! _Here?!"_

"Oi, oi, oi, oi! I'm not saying that! Not! I'm just saying it would be better to-

In that moment, his hand brushed something in his jacket. Without thinking, he removed it.

_Eh?_

Naruto sweat-dropped at the autographed photo staring him in the face. Origami Tobiichi in her student uniform. Bloody thing! "How and when did she put that in here?!" He really had to give the stalker-girl points. She was sneaky enough to be a kunoichi, that girl!

**"Aw,"** Kaguya hummed,** "are we thinking of finally taking an apprentice?"**

_'Urusai, baka usagi!'_

"Oh! So this would be better, then?"

He blinked rapidly, drawn from his reverie by Tohka's words.

"What, no, I didn't say-

In a dazzling flash of light her armor did just that, vanishing. Naruto felt a thin trickle of red leak out of his nose. How long had it been since he'd seen a woman naked? Not to mention such a lovely creature! And Tohka was just that. Lovely. He'd have been lying if his heart didn't skip a few beats, then. Thankfully, the light-show didn't last long. Now, in place of her armor she now wore that very same uniform. complete with a red bow to hold her beautiful violet hair up.

"Well, then!" she beamed, completely unaware of the effect she was having upon him. "Lets start our date!"

Impossibly, Naruto found himself smiling as well. Huh. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Whatever you say! Viva la date! Now just hang on for a second!"

"What're you-EEP!"

Then he grabbed her and _flashed._

* * *

Kotori felt her eye twitch aboard the Fraxinus.

"O-Onii-chan...

_"Yeeeees, my beloved imouto?"_ came the smug reply over the earpiece. He must've known what he was doing, the insufferable bastard. _"Whatever do you need?"_ Oh, he knew what she needed! Him to follow orders! He just up and vanished from their screens, the squirrely bastard! Was he doing this on purpose?! It certainly felt like it! He wasn't using any of the choices, either!

...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

_"Taking Tohka on a date, like I said I would."_ he answered._ "I don't need any assistance for this one. Don't worry! Your Onii-chan may be rusty, but he's still got a few moves!"_

...I'm not even going to clarify that with a response."

_"You wound me!"_

"That's not the point! You can't just go teleporting over half the city like that! The AST will think you're a spirit again!"

_"Bah! Let 'em try!" _She could just picture his scorn._ "I'm finally having fun after all these years! Might even see Origami-chan again. Oops, gotta go! Got a race to win. I'll be turning this off for the time being."_

Kotori shot out of her chair so fast she felt like she'd been scalded.

"DON'T YOU DA-

_"Ja ne~!"_

The line promptly went dead.

* * *

_Tohka was in paradise._

In the last five minutes alone, she had seen the city from a bird's eye, raced pell-mell across the rooftops, lost a game of tag and eaten all sorts of delicious treats. And...she was...having...SO MUCH FUN! She wanted to dance! She wanted to sing! She wanted to do everything! See everything! A small part of her wondered whether this Naruto person was really a spirit like her-he certainly had many strange powers!-but, the rest was far too busy enjoying this day! This was truly paradise!

Ah, and the _true_ paradise...

...was this_ bread! _It was glorious! Words alone could not describe it!

As she happily munched on her new favorite treat, no longer wondering if it all was some terrible, horrible trap,

_"_Ohhhh?! Is this a date, Naruto?!"

The blond narrowly fought off a laugh. "That's _kinako bread_, Tohka. You eat it. Not a date. And besides, this is only the beginning!"

"Hmm?" Tohka's head cocked aside as she happily munched on her treat, like a dog listening for a new sound. "Why is something so delicious not a date?"

The blond-spirit?-chuckled.

"Well, even if you say that...

"Soooooo, what _is_ a date?"

His only response was to cackle. Then another, delicious aroma reached her nose. AHA! Perhaps that was the date he spoke of! She grinned and dashed toward it.

_"Date~!"_

Naruto let out a mild strangled noise, which went unnoticed.

"CHIGAU!"

Tohka saw the crowd in the next instant.

"So many people! Where did they all come from?! Is this an all out war?!" Without waiting for an answer, she raised a finger, a tiny dot of rimmed purple forming over the digit. "If that's the case, I'd better attack before the Mecha-Mecha Squad gets he-

A hand closed around hers, stifling the energy into harmless smoke.

"Yeah, let's _not_ do that." Naruto hummed. "These people aren't here to attack you. And even if they were, I'd blow them away myself. So don't worry, kay?" Tohka was _just _about to open her mouth in protest when she realized something. He was still holding her hand. Her eyes locked on his fingers, staring intently. What was this strange, fuzzy feeling in her chest? It felt...

_Warm._

She'd never held hands with anyone before.

"Mama!" A young boy called out, drawing her attention in the next instant. "Mama, look, I threw the trash away all by myself!"

She watched intently as the boy's mother came over and rubbed his head, praising him for the good deed.

"Oh, good job!"

_Ding!_

A light bulb popped into existence over Toka's head. She wanted to be praised, too!

Hastily downing the rest of her food, she dashed over to the bin and promptly discarded the trash. Faster than a speeding bullet she bolted _back_ to Naruto, and bowed her head. With her face currently facing the ground she completely missed the ninja's gobsmacked expression.

_"Eh?"_

Naruto's brow shot straight up into his hairline at the sight presented before him. He didn't think it was _possible_ for a ribbon to twitch like that, let alone for someone to possess such vast quantities of sheer _moe_ but the pleading sounds Tohka made were simply too adorable to ignore. Minute by minute, he felt his icy heart melting into a warm, gooey puddle at his feet. Almost against his will, his hand descended to rub her head.

"Alright, alright...

She purred like a contented kitten.

* * *

_(A short distance away)_

Tobiichi Origami bit down on her finger hard enough to draw blood.

The sharp, salty tang against her tongue was enough to snap her out of her daze, remind her where she was, and what she was looking at.

"That woman...is a spirit."

More importantly, that _Spirit_ was with Naruto! She told herself she wasn't worried for him; after all, she'd seen firsthand what he was capable of. He could sneeze and knock over a building! No, Origami told herself, she knew the blond wasn't in danger. But for some strange reason...she didn't like seeing him with another girl. Yet, the longer she looked, the more that feeling grew, until it

Glowering, she drew out her phone and punched in a familiar number. On the other end, she heard a soft click. Placing it to her ear, she began to speak:

"This is Master Sergeant Origami Tobiichi, A-0613. Bring an observation device around-

_Bing-Bong!_

A cheery voice answered her, rising over the silly tone. _"Sorry, this line is no longer in service! Please, try again, Origami-chan!" _She knew that voice!

There was an awful silence as her fingers crushed around the phone, cracking the screen.

"Naruto...!"

* * *

A few blocks away, a certain blond chuckled trollishly into a half-clenched fist.

_'She thought I wouldn't notice. Naieve! You still have much to learn, Tobiichi Origami! I have long since mastered the digital age! No phone calls for you! Kukukukuku! You're a million years too early to beat me! Okay, now I'm starting to sound like Orochimaru. I wonder if she realizes the jammer is short range only. She'd have to get pretty far away if she wanted to contact-oh dear kami, Tohka's stomach just growled. Aaand there goes my money..._

**"Don't look now, but I think your wallet just walked into hell."** Kaguya hummed.

_'Eh?'_

"Oh?! What is this place, Naruto?"

"Hmm?" He blinked, realizing he'd unconsciously allowed Tohka to tug him along. Now he nearly choked on his own spit. He knew this restaurant!

_'Yamazuki?! That ridiculously expensive dinery of finery?!' How did we get here?! Curse you, author!'_

"Hmm! 'Tis bothering me! I think I'll go in!"

"Blast it, woman!"

One look in those bright eyes told him she wouldn't be dissuaded by anything less than physical violence; something he wasn't willing to resort to. Dejected, he was left with no choice but to follow after the determined spirit a moment later, faux-sobbing as he went._ 'Ah, poor Gama-kun! How I have wronged thee!_

Now, Naruto had never been one for high society life-if anything, he disdained it as a whole after that Paris incident. _Ugh._ Just thinking about it made him shudder. Nevertheless, even he had to admit that this place was quite posh, almost ridiculously so, but not enough to affront him; with its red carpets, fine tables-AH! There was even a bar!

"Welcome."

"Hey, have you seen a girl with purple_-REINE?!"_

The sleepy-looking analyst stared back at him, looking every bit the waitress. Wow. For a moment, just a moment, he found himself side-tracked.

"Huh. Nice outfit. Now what're you doing here?"

"For our part, we're checking on Princess's dormancy limits." Was that a touch of pink in her face, just now? No no no no, he had to be imagining it.

"And I'm testing Gama-kun's limits." He muttered blackly, holding up his significantly smaller wallet.

"Kotori _was_ planning on giving you a pair of tickets in case you came here, but I think you upset her." _Hehehe._ He could just picture his little sister seething in Fraxinus. "Here." When those very tickets flashed before his vision they were in his hand in the next instant, secured tightly between his fingers. What came next shocked him greatly. Even Kaguya flushed.

**"Oh, my...**

_Instant Glomp no Jutsu!_

"Arigatou, Reine-san!" his arms closed around her, squeezing with all the might of a pro-wrestler. "You're the best!"

"N-Nevermind that." she wriggled out of his grasp, sputtering. If you're looking for Tohka, she's sitting over there." A trembling hand pointed.

"Over here, Naruto!" Tohka waved. "You're late!"

Chuckling, the last shinobi weaved his way toward her and claimed the seat opposite.

"You really are something, you know that?" At her grin, he felt himself melt even further. Geeez, what was this girl _doing to him?_ Why did he want to see her smile, so? Until yesterday, he hadn't even considered such a thing! And yet now, he felt like he'd do just about anything to keep that smile in place. It was a little frightening really.

"This looks good, but so does this...I wonder which one is the date?"

"Can I take your order?"

He didn't even have to look at the waitress to know it was Kotori.

"Oi, you-

He narrowly ducked when she tried to sideswipe him with the tray. Oh, there would be a reckoning for that later!

"If you're having trouble deciding, what about the "What about this?" Course?

_"Hai?"_

The "What About This?" turned out to be a platter of almost every different kind of food. Tohka devoured it all as if she hadn't eaten in_ weeks. _"Outrageous! Humans eat such delicious things! This is delicious! It must be a date!"

Naruto feigned a smile for her sake, but his eyes snapped toward Kotori when she wasn't looking. "And what, exactly, are you doing here?"

"Just giving you the best possible support to make her fall for you, baka Onii-chan."

"Ara?" A giant paddle mysteriously appeared in his hand. "Was I just called stupid? Do you want to be spanked again, my dear little _imouto?"_

"A-Anyhow the real thing starts now!" she sputtered. "After you leave here, head for south of the station."

"Look, I appreciate it, but I really don't need the help-

"Just do it!" came the huffy reply as she stormed off. "Lets begin the date!"

...I get the feeling she's going to be saying that a lot."

"So, what _is_ a date?" Tohka asked again.

She only received a strained smile.

* * *

_"CONGRATUUUUUUUUUUULATIONS!"_

That smile felt _very_ strained, now.

Very, very strained indeed.

"You two are the One Hundred and Thousandth visitors to this shopping arcade! Especially for you, just for today, everything you eat will be free!" Naruto felt his eye twitching dangerously as they were given this news by none other than "Bad Marriage" Kawagoe, another of Kotori's subordinates. He'd both seen and pulled some ridiculous stunts in his day, but this easily broke the top ten. Creating an entire shopping arcade that he'd _known _wasn't here yesterday?! Just how far was his little sister willing to go?!

"Oh, I've never seen that before, Naruto! Oh, and this! And _that~!_"

_"Will you slow down?!"_

Tohka did not slow down.

She moved like a purple hurricane across the standings; an eager child always trying new things, tasting new foods, delighting in life. When was the last time he'd been that happy? He couldn't recall. To see such simple joy, to watch someone bask in the happiness of mere existence...it was heartening. Bit by bit, he felt his irritation at Kotori trickling away, replaced by gentle amusement. He felt...calm. For the first time in forever, he'd realized he had just resisted the urge to snap at someone, to reprimand them.

_Strange._

"Alright, I get it." he yielded with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. "Eat as much as you want. It's all free anyway...

"Naruto...?"

When he looked back, Tohka was gazing up at imploringly, looking like a kicked puppy. _Urk!_

"Hmm?"

"You're not...having fun?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"It seems like I've been the only one having fun today." the purplette murmured, fidgeting before him. "And you've just been getting upset. Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" his eyes fluttered open and shut in disbelief. "No! Of course not! What're you talking about?! I've been having a great time!" And it was true, he had. His irritation slay not with Tohka but with himself; irate that he'd denied himself the simple pleasure of being happy for so long; that he'd forgotten how. And she thought he was angry? With her? Ridiculous!

"Oi," the whiskered warrior sighed, taking her hand in his, "I'm not angry."

"Really?" she was looking most intently at them, their intertwined hands.

"Really." he gave her palm a soft squeeze. "Look, I'm sorry, I just had other things on my mind."

Those bright, innocent eyes lit with a glimmer of hope. "So...you're having fun, too?"

"Of course I am."

"Really, truly?"

"Really." His mouth alighted on the knuckles of her hand, raising it to his lips. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be."

"Then let's eat together!" Her fingers found his again, squeezing gently. "Let's get the most we can out of this date!"

"Sure. I'll go wherever you want to go."

"Promise?"

He could've sworn he heard the crowd cheer behind them.

_Bugger it all, Kotori! _But he wasn't about to break his word.

"Aye. I promise."

Tohka surprised him then; she actually giggled. "You sound like a pirate!"

"Avast ye, lass!" he grinned, baring his fangs. "You'll walk the plan for that!"

She took off with a delighted shriek.

"You'll have to catch me, first!"

* * *

Origami hated chewing her nails.

It was an old and peculiar habit-one she'd acquired ever since she was a little girl. Unsightly-disgusting-and embarrassing. It was something that always happened whenever she was stressed. And stressed she was. Her anxiety levels were currently through the roof and rapidly approaching the stratosphere. No, now they were out of the atmosphere altogether!

Because that accursed Spirit had just dragged _her_ Naruto-kun into a love motel!

A!

_Love!_

**MOTEL!**

More than anything she wanted to race in there and stop them, but she knew from firsthand experience that anything remotely resembling a frontal assault was doomed to failure.

The jamming had finally abated enough for her to get an order through, now she was merely waiting for confirmation.

_"Origami, what are you doing?"_ her superiors voice rang through the headset, _"Its past the time to meet-_

"I'm checking the movements of the target." she murmured, angrily. "Send an emergency arming device to point 088-107."

She wouldn't let him be manipulated like this!

* * *

Naruto wiped a bead of sweat from his brow as they all but sprinted out the back door of the love motel.

_'Disaster avoided!'_

Tohka had, thankfully, lost interest the moment she realized this "Dream Park" consisted primarily of lush beds, pillows, and blankets. From there it had been almost painfully easy to steer the wayward spirit onto "more interesting things. The temptation had been there of course, but he simply wasn't that kind of person. He never had been and never would be. Never the sort to willingly take advantage.

This claw game, however...

...well, he supposed exceptions could be made. After all, Tohka wanted that stuffed chicken so _very_ badly. And since he sucked horribly at crane games...

_Magnet Release._

A subtle flick of his fingertips activated one of the many bloodlines Kaguya had given him over the centuries. After all, when the mother of all chakra dwelt within you, you picked up a few things. Being an immortal god never had more perks than it did now. That simple, innocuous motion forced the stuffed creature to cling to the claw as though it were made of metal itself-at the exact moment it made contact. Another motion made it drop just as it reached the opening. Yes, it was blatantly cheating, but God Mode was fun, sometimes.

Kaguya scoffed.

**"You just enjoy seeing that poor girl smile." **And it was true. He did.

"Oh! It dropped!"

She beamed like a kid at Christmas when he presented it to her. "For you, m'lady."

Her arms closed around it and squeezed tight.

"Where are we going next?"

He gave her an odd look. Wait. She knew that look. Impossible as it was, she recognized it from this afternoon. It was the same look he'd given her right before-

"Come with me."

"MEEEP!"

She barely managed the squeak before he grabbed her and flashed again.

* * *

Shards of sharpened evening sunlight shattered Tohka's vision, blinding her to all else.

By the time her vision finally cleared, she found herself alone on a hill, gazing out into the city. The sun coated the world in shades of autumn red and orange-as if the entire city were bleeding. The color of blood. Where had that thought come from? It frightened her.

"Naruto?" she glanced about frantically. "Where did you...?"

"This is my favorite spot." came the answering murmur. She saw him then, alighting quietly on a rail beside her; a tiger, ready to pounce. "You can see the whole city, from here. You're on top of the world. Nothing can touch you." He was right, Tohka decided. You really _could _see the city from here. She saw it for what it was now, not something o fear, but something to admire. It was...beautiful. Unbidden, her gaze swung away from the cityscape below, and locked onto the one who had brought her here.

Naruto blinked.

"Hmm? What? Is there something on my face?"

Tohka watched him intently, considering for a long moment who -what?- he really was. No, she decided, she didn't think Naruto was human. He always referred to those people as "them" and never "us". He had strange powers. He was kind. Gentle. Always honest with her. So she decided to be honest with him. She owed him that much, at least.

"Naruto...

"Yeeeeees~?"

"I...I had fun today." She had. So much fun. She wanted to live every day like this, even if she couldn't. Oh, well. It was nice to dream of it.

His smile flashed in the fading light.

"I'm glad."

"Its a shame the "Dream Park" was so boring, though."

Her partner suddenly looked very pale to her eyes. Squeamish, even.

"Just...forget about that." He hopped off the rail to stand beside her, and Tohka found herself instinctively scooting closer to him.

"I'll forget about it just 'cuz you said so." she chirruped happily, leaning into him. "So...

"So?"

"Just what is a date, anyway?" her inquisitive eyes sought his. "I couldn't figure it out. And I kept asking you, but you wouldn't tell me. Wait!" A horrible thought occurred to her. "Do you even know?!"

Naruto coughed into his fist.

"W-Well, a date is when a boy and a girl spend time together. Like...today."

_Oh._

Oh, of course! It made perfect sense!

"Is this a date, then?!" She looked at him with wide, adorable eyes. Naruto was almost blinded by the cute. BLINDED!

"Yes. Yes it is."

Her squeal was possibly the most soul-wrenchingly sweet thing he'd ever heard.

"Then we had a wonderful date today!"

"We did, didn't we?"

Without thinking, she laid her head against his shoulder. Naruto stiffened, but he didn't push her away.

"Dates are so nice." she sighed happily.

"Tohka...

* * *

_Take the shot._

Origami's finger twitched around the trigger, aching to fire.

Just one shot.

_'I hate her.'_

A tiny twitch.

_'That should be me.'_

Then it would be over.

_'Why isn't it me?'_

Without Princess wearing armor, without her aware, she was certain she could do it. This was a high caliber rifle, and she, an adept wizard. She was almost certain she could kill her. End her. Princess would never see it coming. She might not even feel her death. Perhaps that was a mercy; regardless, she knew in her heart that she could do it. And when the order came, she would be ready. More than that...

...she would enjoy it.

She knew she had no real claim to Uzumaki Naruto, just as he seemed only mildly interested in her, but the sight of that Spirit_-that monstrosity!-_cuddling up to him, to the one she secretly pined for, was more than she could bear. She couldn't stand to lose anyone else. She couldn't lose him _kami alive,_ she just couldn't.

Her finger tightened on the trigger...

* * *

_Unease._

Naruto felt it permeate his every pore, every fiber of his being standing on red alert. He knew something was watching him, but at this distance, he could only sense killing intent. Directed not at him, but...also at him? _I don't get it. If I knew who they were targeting it would be easy, but...damnit!_ He was just about to consider changing into his God form when Tohka piped up.

"All the humans were very kind, weren't they?"

Naruto forced a laugh, struggling to mask his discomfort. "Yeah, for once! It seems they knew their place today."

Tohka hummed softly, taking her head off his shoulder. He felt the oddest urge to pull her back. "I didn't know that the world was so kind...so fun...so pretty...now I understand why the Mecha Mecha Squad is after me. Because whenever I appear in this world, I ruin something this beautiful."

"Oi, what are you-

"Naruto, I think its better than I don't exist after all-

"That's not true! There was no spatial quake today, was there?! You didn't ruin anything!"

Tohka's hands tightened around her plushie. "But that doesn't mean that there won't be one the next time I appear. Once I go back and fall asleep, I won't be able to control myself."

"Then don't go back!"

"Have you ever tried it! Staying here?! Just once?!"

"But that's...there are so many thing I don't know...

"I'll teach you!"

"I'd need food and a place to sleep! A-And unexpected things might happen-

"You'll stay with me! We can figure them out when they happen!"

"Is it really...okay for me to be alive?" she looked at him, lost, confused, alone. "Is it okay for me to be in this world?"

"Of course it is!"

"But the Mecha Mecha Squad...humans won't want-

"I don't care! If they hurt you, I'll crush them!"

"How can you say that?!" she burst out! "That's impossible! You can't just kill everyone who-

_"TOHKA!"_

Before her very eyes Naruto's body_ exploded._

The transformation wasn't controlled by any means; his mortal body simply imploded, making way for a new one; for the power of something else. A roar like the tormented souls of hell filled her ears as the grounds all but splintered beneath her feet, the presence of a strange, mighty being threatening to drive her to her knees. A hand lased out, cutting through the storm with a wave of the hand, a violent arc of energy shooting back towards the hills and revealing the man-made-god within the cocoon of white ether.

_There he was._

* * *

Origami gawped.

For a moment she'd feared she'd accidentally shot Naruto, but no, she checked the cartridge and realized she hadn't. The blond had simply exploded all on his own-his own body tearing itself apart beneath some strange and unseen power. Now, she felt herself tremble. Her entire body _convulsed_ as a white-hot jet of air blasted over her head with enough force to nearly rip her from her prone position-and, obliterating an acre of forested mountain at her back.

Tobiichi didn't even notice. No, her eye was focused on the lens.

She was looking at a Spirit. In reality it was anything but, she had no way of knowing. Her mind jumped to, what she believed, was the most logical conclusion. Naruto was a spirit. All this time he'd deceived her, fooled her, made her think he was human. And now he'd shed his true form.

_'No...Not Naruto..._

Her mind gawped at the gaping crater at the scene unfolding only a few miles away, closer than air through the rifle's sight.

Only one word came to mind as the creature came into view.

_"What."_

* * *

"What...?

Tohka stared at God and he stared back. Eyes the color of azure flames blazed back at her, long, sharp, crimson horns-Kaguya's horns-sprouted from his long, golden pale hair. His vestments were white flames, rippling and crackling around the student uniform he wore. In his hand he clutched a black staff, six spheres swirling wildly around it. She could scarce stand to look at him, such was his brilliance.

Despite herself, Tohka squeaked. "Naruto...you...?

And then he spoke.

_**"Do you see this?!"**_ His voice reverberated like unholy thunder in her ears, threatening to split the very heavens themselves with its might. If felt as though kami himself had come down from the cloud, just to speak to her. _**"DO YOU?! I! AM! A! GOD! Nothing can hurt you if I don't allow it, you hear me? I won't let anything happen to you! Now," **_he raised his right arm, fingers splayed outwards to her, a beacon of light offering her that which she craved most. Hope. _**"Take my hand. Stay with me! That's all you have to do!"**_

Tohka's eyes got.

Really.

_Big._

No one had ever said those words to her. Ever. She'd never dreamed of hearing them until a moment ago, and now that dream had come true. Take my hand. Stay with me. Tears welled up in those bright, violet eyes; gathering, stubbornly refusing to fall. She was so happy. So happy she could cry.

And yet, some small part of her still quailed, terrified of the unknown. Was he telling the truth?

"B-But even if you say that...

_**"It doesn't matter!" **_he shouted!_** "No matter how many times this world rejects you, I never will! Now take my godamn hand so we can finish our date!"**_

"Naruto...

Slowly, tentatively her hand reached for his. He didn't move. Her fingers curled forward, hesitant. He didn't budge. Then finally, finally her hand found his, holding tight. Naruto grinned. That was all it took for the last of her resistance to break, the last brick in her wall of anxiety crumbling to dust and blowing away on the wind. "Naruto!" A great, heaving sob tore its way out of her chest as she fell into his arms, crying. _"Naruto!"_ Words deserted her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

_**"See? Everything's alright-oh, bugger.**_

Wait, why was he yanking her forward?!

Then the shot rang out.

Blood spattered. A body fell.

"What...?" Tohka stood there in disbelief, blood on her visage, quivering. Her hands rose slowly, fingers atremble. She gazed down at the broken body at her feet, the decimated plushie bearing a gaping hole where her face had been, where his face had been, because now it was...it was...

"Na...Naruto...?" No answer.

Then she screamed.

* * *

Origami felt the rifle clatter from her fingertips.

Numbed, she sank to her knees, staring blankly at the slumping, bloody body in the distance. Dimly from somewhere very far away, she was aware of her superior shouting at her. But it all sounded so fuzzy, as though it weren't real as though it were all a dream. Why, oh why couldn't it be a dream...

_"Origami. Origami? Origami?!"_

She was a monster. A murderer. A killer. She'd shot him and now he was dead. Her mind shut down, refusing to accept it.

"No...I didn't mean to...

She'd been aiming for Princess! And he'd...he'd...how could he just...

_**"Oi."**_

Her eye snapped up a heartbeat before the shadow fell over her. Uzumaki Naruto glowered down at her, unholy in his wrath, a hole in his head. Even as she looked on that hole closed, the wound slithering shut almost instantaneously before her very eyes, the decimated half of his face becoming whole and clean once more, revealing his eyes.

Those angry, blazing white eyes.

_**"Origami-chan...**_

His teeth clenched, angry fangs bared in a rictus of a snarl.

_**"You should be grateful I'm such a nice guy."**_ that angry, alien growl of a voice sent shivers of dread shooting down her spine._** "I'll forgive you for mistaking me as a spirit and shooting me. This time." **_They both knew that was a lie, who she'd really been aiming for, yet she couldn't bring herself to protest._** "Still, you've gone and upset Tohka-chan. Ruined her date. So, now...**_

The fingers of his right hand drew back, clenching into a fist.

_**"Clench your teeth!"**_

Then he hit her so hard she flew into the sea.

* * *

Tohka watched the flying specks shoot into the distance and marveled at them.

One by one Naruto ruthlessly and systematically smacked the AST troopers into the sea. He was careful about it mind you; there wasn't enough force to kill them, but juuuust enough to make moving an painful hell. In the blink of an eye it was over and he was back again, standing at her side.

Needless to say, she bolted to him.

"Naruto. Naruto? NARUTO! Are you...?"

_**"Fine, fine, I'm just fine."**_ the godly shinobi waved her concern away with a silly smile as she sobbed against his chest. _**"Just disposing of the trash. They won't be bothering us for awhile."**_

"But I...you...shot!" she sputtered incoherently in his arms. How was he alive?!

_**"Yes, I'm fairly certain I remember that."**_

"B-B-B-But!"

Tohka felt her eyes spin dizzily. She wasn't sure she entirely understood what had happened anymore. One moment Naruto had been holding her, embracing her, soothing all her fears; the next, he'd dropped dead from a round through the head. He'd frightened her so badly that she'd changed back into her Spirit armor, but by the time she had he was already cleaning house.

Now he stood before her, happy and resplendent, without so much as a care in the world.

"Are you sure you're okay?" in the end her hands betrayed her, seeking his face and his forehead-those places where a gaping hole should still reside. "You're really not hurt anywhere, are you? The Mecha Mecha Squad didn't do anything to you?" Naruto sputtered a quietly, his face slowly turning red as he returned to normal. In the end that was what decided it. Tohka blinked, baffled as he took her hand in his.

"There's one last thing I want to give you." he said slowly, tipping her chin upward with his unclaimed hand. "To commemorate our date. But only if you want me to."

"What?"

"A kiss."

There was a silence. And then.

And _then:_

"What's a kiss?" Tohka cocked her head to the right.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Naruto face-vaulted so hard that the ground actually cracked, a portion of the cliff falling away to tumble into the forest below. The God and Spirit watched it fall away, and the former chuckled nervously. He stepped closer to her, until she was forced to look up at him just to meet his gaze. His face inched closer to hers. Ah. Tohka knew what this was now. She'd seen all kinds of people kissing today. What had someone said about it?

Gah, she couldn't remember?! She hadn't been listening very well...and oddly enough, her body felt very warm against him now.

"A kiss is where you put your lips together and-

"Like this?" she jerked her face upward before he could finish. Naruto guffawed, his laughter cut brutally short by her mouth.

"To-mmph!"

His lips touched hers.

_Fireworks_.

There could be no other word for the sudden burst of power and emotion in his mind, like a tiny star being birthed before his very eyes. Energy flooded into him without warning-his eyes gleaming violet for a moment as he stood there, drinking in her powers. So this was what they meant by sealing her power-whoa! His arms closed around her shoulders and drew her closer, her head tilting back to deepen the liplock, her arms wrapping around his neck and then-

_Shing!_

"Hrrmm?!" Tohka's startled gasp muffled itself against his lips as her battle-dress melted away in a rush of fantastic color, leaving her naked as the day she'd been born. Her eyes bulged. They stood there for a long moment, looking at one another, balking. Naruto drew away a bit, gulping. He knew from firsthand experience what was likely to happen now, but somehow, he just couldn't bring himself to be serious about it.

"Oh. Wasn't expecting that...here, I'll just give you my coat-

_"No! You'll see!"_

Tohka squeaked and pushed closer to him, which of course, only resulted in a massive increase of cleavage against his battered chest. Now, Naruto was no stranger to seeing women naked, but something about Tohka's embarassment rooted his legs where they were, his body refusing to move despite his mind telling him this was NOT an optimal position. In the end he was forced to stand there, hoping that he didn't look like a gigantic pervert. As it turned out, he didn't have to worry.

"Naruto...

"Yeah?"

"Will you take me out on another date, soon?" she looked up at him, pleading.

This grin, he thought, this one, didn't feel forced at all.

"Of course. Anytime."

Tohka's smile outshone all the suns and stars in the galaxy. So did her reply.

_"...yay."_

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my first date. Honestly though, if I'd known how many more awaited me...

_...I might've quit while I was ahead!_

* * *

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go! An ageless, immortal, or at the very least, ridiculously hard to kill, Uzumaki Naruto, in the Date A Live universe. A cross like this was actually easy to do, given its Japan and all, so I went with it easily. And to those looking forward to my future Naruto self-insert story, I can promise you its-a-comin'! As are my Bleach and Naruto one's. If you want to see my first attempt at a Self-Insert story with a twist, be sure to check out Not a Hero on my profile page! **

**I eagerly await your reviews and responses to both that fic, and this!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes you smile. And Review! Or face the wrath of TOHKA! BAHAHAHAHA! I'm also switching things up here! Tis a looooong one!**

**(Preview)**

_Naruto felt his ears twitch._

_"Itsuka...Shido?"_

_In his head, Kaguya cursed. **"Oh, dear. She pressed THAT button."**_

_"Ara, is there a problem, Naruto-kun?" the blackette smiled innocently, nearly devilish in her delight. "You look like you've seen a ghost."_

_In essence, he had. She was talking about someone he'd failed to save. The reason he was here, living this life. But he didn't mind that. What bothered him was thus; he'd failed. It was his greatest shame, his greatest failure. To be reminded of his failure on that miserable day ignited something in his chest, a furious fire that refused to be extinguished despite his best efforts. In spite of his legendary restraint, he found himself slowly inching toward violence._

_"How do you know about that?"_

_"I have my ways." she hummed, still holding his arms. "But I don't mind; I think you're far tastier." Her tongue touched his cheek before he could think to stop her._

_"Tasty, huh?"_

_Blue eyes flashed and in the next instant they jumped._

_There could be no other word for it Kurumi thought; one moment they'd been inside the school; the next they were simple somewhere else. Teleportation...? She didn't recognize the dark room and even if she had she wouldn't have had the time to contemplate it; because s__trong hands seized her by the hips and slammed her into the wall with bone-crushing force. A startled gasp fled from her lips._

_"Ah!"_

_An attack like that would've seriously injured a normal human. But Kurumi?_

_She giggled._

_"Oh, so scary," the words tumbled from her breathless lips, curled now in a slight sigh. "I think I rather like this side of you, Naruto-kun." She cocked her head, calmly staring into those furious blue orbs without even a glimmer of fear. "Are you going to ravage me now? Have your way with me?" her hips wriggled against him invitingly. "Make me scream?"_

_"I could do much worse than that." he growled. "You say you want to devour me for this goal of yours, but tell me**...WHAT WOULD YO DO IF I DEVOURED YOU?"**_

_"If you really want to be scary," he murmured, lips brushing her ear, "You're going to have to do better than that. Much better. Do you know what I think is scary?" his hand moved to cup her face, inching her visage to his. "Losing control. Having no say over what your body does, being bound only to your desires, to be rendered helpless by another. To be powerless. I'm going to show you that fear."_

_"W-W-What...?" A lone red eye stared back at him, widening slightly now in surprise as his nose actually brushed hers then...he put his mouth...**THERE! **_

_The kiss was as savage as it was sudden, his lips slamming into hers with such force that the enamel of their teeth jarred together with a harsh click. He didn't allow her to retreat, or to advance, he simply pinned her to the wall and did just that; have his way with her. Her clothes were suddenly gone but she barely noticed; her mouth parting for him with a moan, gladly granting access to his tongue, her hands shooting up to entangle themselves around both his neck; her legs, his waist. Ah -this was it!- what she wanted for long..._

_Every cell of her body was sudden alive and aching, demanding his touch. _

_Mine._

_Mine! _

**_MINE!_**

And then it ended.

_Abruptly, the room spun wildly around them. _

_Her vision cleared, and she found herself standing alone in the school's hallway, gasping for breath, disheveled and still dripping with lust. Naked. Naruto's smile was telling. No. No, he hadn't! But he had. Unbalanced, she could only sputter in disbelief. He'd taken them. Her power -her ability!- was gone, as though it had never been._

_"I...you...that was..._

_His smile was decidedly sinister as he threw her his coat._

_"Turnabout is fair play."_

_His hand split the wall mere millimeters from her face. "Not so bold now, are we? If you want those powers of yours back, you're going to have to be a good girl and do what I say. That means no more killing, none of this devouring me business, none of it. Come to think of it, we should go on a date tomorrow, you and I. Twelve o'clock in the plaza? Why yes, that sounds wonderful!"_

_She pouted._

_...well, that's not fair at all."_

_"Sorry, no fucks have been given."_

_Kurumi had the distinct feeling she'd just been trolled._

**R&amp;R!=D**


	3. BurningDesireNightmare

**A/N: Ooooooooooooooh my Goooooooooooood! So many reviews! Seriously! I'm having a review overdose over here! I had no idea you guys like this story so much, and so, with all this lovely and positive feedback, I shall endeavor to continue it! Anyone here to flame and without an open mind to a nice happy, sweet story, kindly take a hike!**

**Also, I have, as of this moment, started watching the OVA's of Date Alive and delving into the manga. And I have one thing to say about that. SO MANY IDEAS HERE! *Major Nosebleed* Oh, writing for them...thaaat is gonna be one crazy bucket of worms there. Speaking of which, this chapter is all kinds of funny, crazy, and CUUUUUUUUUUTE! With just a weeeeee bit of*ahem* interesting material...Nice and long, to! I've played havoc with things here timeline wise, and yes, it is deliberate.**

**SO ONTO KURUMI!**

**But fear not! Yoshino will have her chance to shine, soon! Just not in this chapter. You'll see soon what I mean! Also, some more NarutoxKotori time because as I'm sure I've mentioned by now, our favorite blond doesn't exactly see her as a sister related to him by blood. And yes, yes, I haven't forgotten about poor, poor Origami...**

**I remind you once again that Naruto is Naruto! He's been around for awhile, and derives amusement from trolling people. Literally, Troll Level: Naruto. Add to this the fact that he is only just NOW starting to open up his heart again after so many years? It certainly explains his exceedingly goofy behavior in the beginning of this chapter. He's very happy. VERY, HAPPY. It also has something to do with the sealing of a Spirit's powers, as I'm sure you've noticed. **

**Also, to a curious reviewer, Culaio, who claimed Kurumi's powers couldn't be sealed so easily; I say thus. One, she wants Naruto. BADLY. Two, the dude's a GOD. If he wanted to take her power an' keep it, he very easily could. This chapter reveals an alternate method by which he can deal with what he dubs "strange abilities"...**

** And let's address something in the first chapter, which someone complained about. Naruto told Tohka that he doesn't fight girls. He doesn't, because he does not take pleasure in hurting them. To those who have a problem with that, DEAL with it. Naruto's still an upstanding guy...mostly.**

** He simply does not fight those who aren't his enemies. But if you piss him off...it won't matter whether you're male or female. He will embarass you, demean you, humiliate you, and if you really annoy him...MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL.**

**And ooooone last thing for those who have been begging it:**

**MAJOR SCREENTIME FOR KAGUYA! I also seek to address the curious time-skip here. Literally, one minute Tohka's got nowhere to go and then WHAM! She's in school with the protagonist? How did that happen? What was the aftermath? Here, then, is the answer to that. Wholly original! LET THE CRAZY DATE TRIP BEGIN! **

**VIVA LA DATE A LIVE! NO MORE NAY-SAYING PLEASE AND ENJOY THE STORY ITS OVER TEN THOUSAND WORDS, JUST FOR YA'LL!**

_"Ara, aren't you a fiery one.__"_

_"You have no idea."_

_~an amusing conversation between Kurumi and Naruto.)_

**Burning/Desire/Nightmare**

_"I'm disappointed in you, Origami-chan."_

At these words, Origami Tobiichi jerked upright in the hospital bed with a yelp. At least, she tried. Instead, an incredible weight prevented her from rising entirely; an unseen vice on her windpipe reducing her scream to a tiny gasp of wordless noise. Her vision swam blearily, her eyes refusing to obey, at first. And when her vision did finally return, well...

...she almost wished it hadn't.

Naruto leaned over her, face mere inches from her own, his teeth bared in a savage snarl. "Hello, _friend." _When she tried to rise she realized what-who-was holding her down. Naruto. He was sitting on her, stradling her with his own body. How long had she longed for this, wished for it in secret? And yet now that she finally had what she wanted, now that she was looking at him, gazing into those frightening red eyes-incredibly, she felt no fear. Only confusion. What...

Memories came flooding back in agonizing rush of pain and sound.

Attacking Naruto, accidentally shooting him in the head.

That same wound closing, his fist lashing out.

Landing in the ocean.

Blackness.

_Hospital._

That was where she was Origami realized, her body prone and helpless -powerless!- amidst the sheets. Pinned. Trapped. With nothing more than a thin gown separating her from him. Naruto could have his way with her and she'd be powerless to stop him. She knew Naruto would never deliberately do something like that to her, but she was having increasing difficulty recognizing the gentle blond in this sneering stranger. Unbidden, her eyes flicked up to his head.

There was a scar.

Just a pale line where the wound had been, but it was still there. Where she had...shot him. A gasp tore itself out of her throat. Guilt came crashing down around her, a cold blanket stifling any and all warmth.

"So, you remember." It was not a question.

She dared to raise her head an inch, her nose brushing his. Naruto did not move. A rare frown marred her battered face. He was serious, she realized.

"Let me up." she demanded.

Naruto purred.

"I make the decisions here."

"If you don't, I'm going to kiss you." she threatened, trying to use his aversion for physical contact against him. It had always worked in the past whenever they argued; she knew her favorite blond'd always shied away from anything involving physical contact as though it were the plague.

She wasn't expecting the smile.

"I've already kissed and told once, today." Those eerie red eyes glinting malevolently as he leaned in closer, lips brushing the outer lobe of her ear. "Now, you know what I want...

Origami braced herself...!

...an apology."

All the tension that had been building for the last five minutes drained away in an instant. In its place came grief. Not at him, but at herself.

_She'd been had._

Origami knew on an emotional level that she should be angry with him for playing her just now, but somehow she couldn't all the anger was directed at herself. She couldn't look at him and not see the hole in his head, those lifeless eyes staring listlessly out at her. Oh, god. She'd shot him. Shot her best-and only-friend over something petty as jealousy. _I'm the worst._ A tremor wracked through her body, her eyes downcast, hiding in the shelter of her snow-white locks. _I-I almost took a life; I'm no better than a spirit..._

"...I'm sorry."

Naruto frowned, blinking at her. "Aw, that was too easy! That_-you're crying."_

Her hands shot up to her face to hide it, but to no avail; mutinous tears were already gathering in her eyes, falling in great, thick droplets. She felt weak. Small. Petty. An awkward hand descended on her head, patting stiffly her white tresses.

"Hey, its okay. You didn't kill me."

That only made it worse.

"I thought I'd...I thought you were...

Words trailed off into a tiny sob as his whole body scooted forward. Arms wrapped around her. Her body went rigid and straight to autopilot, her head jerking forward into his chest. Distantly she registered this strangely pleasant position atop her, but in that instant she couldn't comprehend anything other than the embrace, the dry warmth of his bloodied jacket smelled horrible but she didn't care. Naruto whispered soft words of honey and kindness to her, and she drank them in like a greedy child.

Origami knew not how long she wept, nor how long he held her, but eventually, her well ran dry. Her hands still fisted tightly around his jacket, however. A single thought sprang up from nowhere.

"Warm."

"Eh?"

...nothing. I'm sore." she muttered, wincing when he pulled away.

"Yeah, that's gonna be there for awhile. You tried to hurt someone important to me." he drawled, rolling off her in a single, fluid movement. "Did you think ya were going to get off with just a warning, eh? Naaah," she watched him intently, unable to move as he circled the bed. "Its not that easy, Origami-chan. You don't get to shoot and tell. Still, I could have killed you, ya know. It would have been, well..." the chuckle came quietly, "Easy. But I didn't. Instead, I held back. You're probably wondering why."

Her head bobbed.

"It's because you're my friend."

...and snapped right back up again.

"What."

"And in the name of our friendship, I'm giving you a second chance; one more chance. However," He pulled away, looking her square in the eye. "If you attack again, if you try to hurt any of my precious people again...

_...then I will make you wish you were dead."_

There was an awful silence.

He stepped away again, dropping a bouqet in her lap. "Get well soon, Origami."

She gulped.

"You didn't mean it, right? You won't really kill me, will you...?"

Naruto didn't answer. Not audibly at least. He just looked at her, a sad, determined look shining in his eyes. A quite poof of smoke signaled the dispersion of the clone; and then, she was alone once more.

A tiny, lonely whisper tugged itself out of her lips.

_...Naruto?"_

* * *

"SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME A GOD, NARUTO?!"

Miles away, an angry shout split the rainy night.

Because, Kotori was furious.

Positively _livid._

She'd known all along that her Onii-chan was different; that he was unique, that he liked to play hell with people on an almost day to day basis. She'd even accepted him in place of Shido, though it had taken her many, many MANY teary nights to do so. But eventually he'd found that place in her heart, easing that grievous wound that she still bore to this day. She could accept it._ Him._ She could accept that Naruto was trying to make up for his mistakes in life by being a good big brother to her. Hell, she'd even come to love him for it! But the one thing she could not, would not accept...

...that her big brother was a GOD!

"Well," he began pointedly, shifting on the sofa beneath her smoldering stare, "I don't call it that. It's more of a "cloak" then a mode, really."

Her eye twitched. "Not. Helping."

His smile broadened at what he perceived as a challenge.

"Don't believe me?" her beloved brother sighed gustily. "Fine. Guess there's no helping it...**!"**

"W-Wait a sec, what are you doing?"

Naruto grinned and closed his eyes, a white aura shimmering to life around his head and shoulders. Then they burst open, bilnding in their intensity. Kotori balked as the wind picked up, sending her twin-tails twirling in the breeze; the very house itself was beginning to shake!

"Okay, okay! I believe you! Just don't do it he-

Too late.

_**"HRK!"**_

This time the transformation was like flowing water; he simply snapped into his aptly named "God Mode" effortlessly as breathing. White, veined eyes stared back at her framed by pale gold hair, horns glinting like blood above his head. A third eye opened upon the skin of forehead, its red light nearly sending her gibbering for cover behind. He grinned, flashing pearly white teeth-fangs?!-as his larger form reclined against the cushion. It didn't seem possibly but he was even _taller_ now, easily breezing past the six foot mark and nearing the seven...

...and it was like staring at the devil himself.

_**"Satisfied, my sweet little sister?"**_ he breathed, his voice a dark rumble from the blackest circle of hell. The look he gave her was positively predatory._** "This is what you wanted, wasn't it?"**_ As if he would devour at the slightest provocation. This eerie, foreboding creature was such a stark contrast to her normal, kind, light-hearted brother that Kotori actually felt her knees knock together.

"O-Okay," she gulped, stifling the instinctive surge of dread, "That's a little scary."

A dark, amused gleam flicked in those steely white orbs.

_**"You think this is scary? Then you haven't met Kaguya."**_

The dark ribbons in her hair twitched.

"Who?"

_**"Oh, she'll come out when she fe**_els like it." he coughed, changing the dual timbre of his voice to its usual, placating tones. "You should really hope she doesn't, though. I've asked her not to; wouldn't want to scare ya too badly."

"Na-ru-to." Kotori made a soft, squelching sound in the back of her throat and knuckled her fist against her forehead. No good. She felt it_... slipping._ An entire day's worth of frustration, humiliation, _and embarrassment _came to a boiling, seething head all at once. "That doesn't make it any easier to _understand!"_ Her exclamation roared through their house in a searing wall of fire, threatening to bring to consume the living room entirely and bring the house down around their heads.

Her brother barely batted an eyelash.

_"Kotori,"_ Naruto uttered a jaw popping yawn that split the ozone layer, snuffing out the flames as though they were mere embers within a headwind. "Oi." He frowned when she didn't get control of herself, her breathing angry and harsh." When he saw that eerie glow began to build, he finally took action. "OI!" His hands closed around her shoulders and shook her gently. Then she struck. He didn't even flinch when an angry line of burst colored red stitched itself across his chest. He simply said her name.

_"KOTORI!"_

It was like having a veil ripped from her eyes.

All the world came back to her in a rush, the glow ceased, and sanity same surging back. So did the shame. Her eyes buged.

"Onii...chan?"

Naruto beamed at her. "The one and only."

"Your chest...

"Meh, it'll heal."

Unbidden her hands leaped to the line they'd carved against the glowing white shroud of his body. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...

"Don't be so loud, 'ttebayo." he laughed gently, patting her head. "You'll wake Tohka."

It might have been a _dere_ joke, but all the compassion drained right out of her.

"Tch." She muttered hotly, arms folding across her small bosom. "Tohka this, Tohka that. _You_ seem to be getting along well, now." Ever the unruffled, he simply looked at her.

"And what does that mean?"

Her temper flared anew, teeth grinding angrily against the lollipop nestled in her mouth.

"Oh, I have no idea! You haven't stopped _talking_ about her since you brought her here!"

A bright brow was arched, his white eyes still narrow and intent on hers. "Hey, hey. Calm down." His arms took hold of her again, and this time she didn't have the strength to resist him. But instead of spanking her, as he had done before, he simply pulled her, sputtering, into his lap. "Your energy is unstable, remember?" Strong fingers found her hair and began to stroke it, massaging her scalp gently-oh so gently-like a good brother would, as any sibling should towards her little sister.

And _then_ he took her ribbons out.

Kotori turned pink.

"B-Baka! What're you...

"Hush." he reprimanded her with a purring sigh, materializing a comb in his off hand. "You don't get to argue." Before she knew what was happening, he began brushing her crimson tresses. "You know, It took me how many daysto bind it last time? Remember how many seals were involved? You got _really_ sick. I almost lost you. "

Ah.

"W-W-W-Why are you talking about that, now?!" Kotori sputtered madly, her arms flailing halfheartedly, trying to wriggle out of his lap. "That was a long time ago!"

"Which is why I don't want it to happen again." he pointed out, frowning now as she shifted against him. "Hold still, you little imp. Ya've got knots."

Kotori squeaked. "Moh! Not so hard!"

Yes, she remembered that incident all too well, each moment preserved in painful clarity. Only a week after Naruto had taken her under his wing, she'd lost control of herself. She'd hated him back them, blamed him for what happened to Shido. To her parents. Blamed him for everything. In a fit of pique, she'd gone berserk. Her hands had torn into him, her flames had scorched him, and he hadn't resisted. Not once.

And when she was done, when she'd torn off his arms and scorched the very flesh from his bones, he simply regenerated. Then he looked at her and asked:

_"Are you satisfied, now?"_

The rest was history.

Her face began to burn in a way that had nothing to do with her flames.

"I-I'm fine!" she huffed, deflecting his concern. No no no! She didn't like where this was going! Not at all. "They're under control!"

"Says the chibi who almost burnt down the house just now. Ahahaha!" He leaned over, grinning at her. "The tsundere is strong in you!"

"I am NOT a-

Any further protest was momentarily quelled when he kept brushing her hair. DING! DING! Knock-out!

"Uhhhhhh...

Her face colored anew as she fought to keep from purring, gouts of steam spouting from her ears. Urgh! Damn him for distracting her like this! AGAIN! She'd waited until they'd gone _home_ before confronting him on his self-professed deity status; this was something she needed to get a handle on personally before revealing it to the rest of Ratatoskr. But it wasn't going at all like she'd planned!

"I said I'm fine, baka!"

Naruto wouldn't be so easily dissuaded.

"Although...its kinda funny, ya know?" those scrutinizing blue eyes locked onto her, she could _feel_ them boring a hole in the back of her head. "Just now, that didn't feel like chakra. Come to think of it, it can't be chakra, because as I recall, I helped Kaguya TAKE IT ALL BACK after everyone continued to use it for war and the like. Huh." Those hands suddenly surrendered her hair, as well as the brush and spun her around. He moved her so fast everything spun.

"Onii...GAH!"

Kotori went stiff as a board.

Forced to face him at last, she was suddenly made aware of what a compromising position she was in; her legs straddling his, a hand on her slim waist, supporting her. And his knee was_...there!_ It was something she'd only dare dream about, thoughts she'd _never _given voice to, realized in this instant. A bead of warmth gathered between her legs.

Uh-oh.

"M-Maybe you were mistaken?" she gulped, trying, and failing to avoid eye contact.

"No, no, I'm certain of it." His eyes flashed a bright gold, the lights of Sage Mode sealing her fate. "Eh?" She saw the light click on in those moltenly bright orbs-the realization dawning even as her body went rigid under his gaze, like a proverbial deer caught in the headlights. "Wait a minute...I know this energy...its almost the same as Tohka's, but I _know_ you're human, so...

Urk.

_...you must have spirit powers!"_

Kotori made an angry noise through her teeth and tried to jerk away from him, but only succeeded in slapping him with her hair.

"Did you just _hiss_ at me?" Naruto asked disbelievingly, coughing. Then he laughed. It was a short, gentle, amused sound...and it warmed her in all the wrong places. "I can't believe it! You're Like Tohka! A little, oh, that word, what is it...ah! Spitfire! HA!" he flopped backwards when she swung at him-still cackling. "How did I not realize this sooner?! I mean I've never seen a spirit until recently, but still! I should've realized it that day!"

Now, Kotori had been growing _very _uncomfortable in her Onii-chan's lap while Naruto made this deduction. Now it felt like her body was on fire. A good kind of fire. Her skin tingled, hyper-sensitive to touch. Without her ribbons on she felt her mind spin in every direction, unable to lock onto a single point. Her _Imoutu_ side clashed violently with that of the _Commander-_her twin personalities warring harshly with one another. One ordered her to get the hell up, the other demanded she stay put.

To make matters worse, he was giving her that look again! That same, sickeningly sweet oh-dear-what-is-he-up-to expression she'd seen countless times over the last five years.

"Hmm. You look upset."

A bead of awkward sweat trickled down her hair, momentarily breaking the deadlock. '_So honest!'_

"Aw, I've been so mean to my poor imouto." his hand cupped her cheek, turning her face back to his. "I hurt your feelings, haven't I? Poor Kotori-chan. You're sad." Those strong fingers tilted her face forward, his nose brushing hers, his breath warm on her face. "Shall I kiss it better?" his face turned introspective. "I'm sure it would keep your powers from going nuts again and-

_'No no no no! GAH!'_ Her mind raced back and forth; from the angel on her left shoulder to the devil on her right, eyes spinning dizzily from so many conflicting signals. '_Yes yes yes yes! MOH! Can't! Decide!' _Was this a horrible prank? Another trollish trick, dangling a carrot in her face, only to snatch it away at the last instant? Her mind was sputtering madly now, unable to make heads or tails of the situation. Ohhhh, this couldn't get any worse_-and apparently it could!_

The sudden and unexpected crackle of thunder just outside turned the redhead's nerves to jelly, accidentally scooting even closer to him.

Big.

Mistake.

"Hmm." he murmured, lightly amused. "I almost forgot; you're terrified of thunderstorms, aren't you?" His hand was doing..._things_ to her, stroking small circles across her back, whilst the other held her face in place as easily as though she were made of straw. What the hell had gotten into him? He was never this happy? It was almost as if he were _drunk_, but no, that wasn't possible, because Onii-chan didn't drink. But one look at his goofy grin and pleasant demeanor told her otherwise.

Had sealing Tohka really cheered him up this much? What, was he drunk on the _atmosphere_, or something? Wasn't that, like a rumor or something? Either way, it made her determined not to let him have his way.

"Don't look down on me! I'm not afraid of a little-

She opened her mouth to continue and refute him; and a deafening crack from outdoors reduced her to a quivering mess in his lap.

_"Uh!_ Okay, okay!" she quailed! "I am!"

That chuckle sent sinister shivers shooting down her spine. "Poor Kotori~! Don't worry

Something short-circuited in her head.

ERROR. KOTORI DOES NOT COMPUTE! ERROR! COMPLETE SYSTEM FAILURE IMMINENT! OVERLOAD! OVERLOAAAAAAD!

"B-B-B-But I'm...we're...

"I've lived for centuries." he laughed. "Age has no meaning for me."

"Na-

Before she could decide, he did it for her.

_"Chu~!"_

It was...surprising gentle. Almost formal, even. Over almost before she realized it. His lips touched hers, lingering, and it ended, leaving her with the lingering smell of him. _'That's it?'_ All that tension, all that stress, and all she got was a peck? A PECK?! A slow flush began to crawl up her neck, bathing her face-followed by the rest of her-in scarlet relief. And it had nothing at all to do with her re-sealed powers.

"Better?" he cocked his head aside at her, grinning like a loon. "Sorry, no tongue until the third date, even for family."

Kotori's brain took a full fifteen seconds for a hard restart. A kiss was a kiss, her hormones violently insisted, no matter how chaste it had been. Her voice was the last thing to return. Trolled. She'd just been trolled, and gotten what she wanted in the same beat. That...THAT AS EVEN MORE TROLLISH OF HIM!

"I...you...baka! Onii-chan no baka! BAKA GA!"

A soft groan answered from beyond the den room.

"Whuzzat noise...so loud...

"Ah, crap. Now she's awake." Naruto shifted slightly on the couch as the sound of an open door reached their ears, "Oi, Tohka-chan~! Over here, over here!"

As she looked on her brother silently scooted over, making room for the owner of that voice. Sure enough, a sleepy Tohka half walked, half stumbled into the den room, lurching like some sort of un-dead creature out of a nightmares. She made it all of seven steps before flopping over the sofa and into his lap. Thankfully she'd acquired some _clothes_ since Kotori had first seen her last, with that buxom body now snugly wrapped in a long orange shirt and dark sweatpants. Why she'd curled up there was almost obvious to Kotori, just as she felt a muscle jumping in her jaw.

"Ah," the former Princess mumbled blearily, "Naruto's all glowy...

"No no no, you're all glowy~!" he swan-songed back, mimicking her. "Although...

Kotori grit her teeth and felt the lolipop begin to splinter in her mouth.

_Tohka was crushing on her onii-chan!_

**"Alright, that is _enough!"_**

Remarkably, before she could open her mouth and say as much, someone did it for her.

A hand descended from seemingly out of nowhere, knocking both blond and the spirit in his lap into deep, senseless slumber. Kotori balked, the lollipop falling from her slack lips. From that hand sprouted an arm, and then, suddenly before her very eyes, someone else was in the room with the three of them. She appeared to be a female version of Naruto's transformed state, every bit the ephermal beauty within that white kimono, as though she were gracing them with just her _presence._

And she did not look pleased.

"Who're you-

**"Don't ask question to things you already know."** came the terse, royal reply, reverberating through her very bones. **"We are in no mood for games, and we are here to end this before he does something exceedingly foolish."**

Kotori squeaked.

"Kaguya." the words tumbled out of her in a rush. She didn't know how she knew; she just...did. "You're Kaguya, aren't you?"

Full lips curled into a pleased smile. **"Very good, sister of Naruto. Now, move. We wish to sit."**

A tiny twitch of her fingers levitated the sputtering redhead, making room for the Goddess on the couch. The rogue deity settled in with a contented sigh. She stared at Kotori for a long moment. Then she did something strange. Most strange indeed. Before her very eyes, the legendary Rabbit Goddess bowed her head.

_EH?!_

**"I apologize for the tone." **she murmured demurely.** "I tend to slip back into "we" when I am distressed."**

The little redhead could only sweatdrop.

"No, no, its fine...

**"Its all _this_ idiot's fault."** the woman sighed, pushing a hand through her pale hair, looking and sounding like an exasperated parent. **"He's walled his heart off from others for so long and while that's not necessarily healthy to begin with, by the time he started to feel again he gravitated to THIS little sprite over here!" **her finger shot out mercilessly, jabbing the slumbering Tohka in the cheek. **"She's a positive, and for a terribly long time, this baka was a negative."**

"Meaning?"

Kaguya actually had the grace to look a little flustered at that.** "I suppose I should explain.**

** "Things...don't always end well when beings like us keep our emotions pent up for so long. Ah. Wait a moment." **She looked away, waving her hand. A flick of her fingers and the inseperable duo were gone, spirited away to kami knew where. **"There. I have brought them to the bed so that we may speak in private. A good night's sleep should clear this mess from their minds. Ah," **a deceptively delicate yawn parted those full lips, her pale eyes drifting shut.

**"'Tis nothing. I've merely forgot how tiring it is to have a physical body. Be a good imouto, and fetch your big sister some tea, would you?"**

...hai?"

Kaguya's only response was to languidly drape herself across the couch and await the inevitable arrival of her soothing drink. Honestly, she was getting soft. Really! Years of being sealed in Naruto had done wonders for her personality; and though she was still liable to kill someone at the drop of the hat she found herself becoming far too attached to these humans. She even shared Naruto's affections for the red one, thought of her as her own flesh and blood, no less!

In relatively short order a warm was in hand, and she was taking a soothing drink.** "Much better!"** she guffawed happily.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Kotori shot up so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash and spilled her own tea. "So he _was_ drunk?!"

A smug smile was her answer.

**"On happiness, if you can believe it."**

"H-He...!"

**"Are we fretting about the kiss? I'm fairly certain that was genuine, regardless of his emotional state. He cares for you a great deal, little one."**

"But it doesn't change the fact that he-

**"You should be exceedingly grateful that events turned out the way they did!" **Kaguya snapped, growling like a furious tigress.** "Rather, that he is a ridiculously sappy loon instead of a force of destruction like myself. He gets drunk on emotion. WE do. Do you know that? When he feels horrible, the way he's been feeling for the last ETERNITY, he walls himself off from everyone." **Those large white eyes glimmered slightly, glancing away. **"Even from me."**

Kotori's mouth snapped shut with an audible click. She...couldn't think of a reply to that. Kaguya continued.

**"To take in that much power and emotion; well, its nothing for one such as _me_, but I can see why it might've made him just a little "off" now that he's starting to feel again. I have been immortal for more than age. By comparison, he's still quite young. Don't worry. He'll be back to normal in the morning. I understand he has made arrangements for Tohka to go to school, yes?"**

Well, yes, Kotori knew she'd been had there. She had shamelessly abused her Ratatoskr connections so the former Spirit could indeed attend classes. Coupled with a little intimidation-along with a load of blackmail!-they'd accomplished in a few hours what might have taken months, otherwise. They'd even procured a uniform and documentation for her. Tomorrow would be her very first day in school, in the beginnings of a new, normal life, one hopefully free from danger.

But why was Kaguya asking about...oh no.

She realized it in the same instant that those white-whine eyes shone with impish light.

**"We think we might like to experience this "school" for ourselves."**

Poor Kotori wailed:

"WHY IS MY LIFE SO COMPLICATED?!"

* * *

_(The next day...)_

Naruto couldn't remember the last time he'd awoken in the arms of another. It had been...

...a very long time.

He did not count those brief trysts with Kaguya-those frantic moments in which they availed themselves of their loneliness with one another and then went their separate ways for almost decades at a time. No, this was different, for the first time in forever...

...Uzumaki Naruto simply woke up and realized he wasn't alone in bed.

There was no moment of fleeting panic when his eyes opened; he knew at once where and when he was. Just as he knew who was presently drooling on his shoulder and making soft mewling noises in her sleep. Being a God had its perks, after all. Instant awareness was one of many-his mind knew instantly what he'd done yesterday and then, later at night-that roller coaster of emotional high he'd been on; Kaguya knocking him out before he became too ornery.

He remembered it all.

What bothered him was that he couldn't bring himself to feel any sort of shame for what he'd done to Kotori, stealing her first kiss like that. At all. Not in the slightest.

That bothered him, somewhat. She might not be his sister by blood, but there were still some lines even he had yet to cross.

But what truly bothered-and aroused-him was the sleepy spirit currently spooning against him.

Somehow Tohka had found her way into a very unusual position during the night; he could feel her breasts pushing up against his back, her arms wrapped tight around his chest. It would've been almost cute, if not for the bone-crushing force behind the embrace. When he tried to move, she only squeezed tighter. He could still turn if he wanted to, it was just...uncomfortable.

"Oi. Tohka."

In more ways than one!

"Muwah...Naruto...hungry..."

A sleepy mumble was her answer. Moment later he felt something sharp and point sink into the flesh of his collarbone. Logic ceased to be. Was she _chewing _on him?! She was! No amount of training could have prepared Naruto for the strange sensation of being gnawed on. It had simply never been done before. Not even by Kaguya. Needles to say, he freaked out.

"OI?! TOHKA STO-mmph."

Unfortunately in his haste to escape, he failed to calculate just what would happen by turning around when a starving spirit was chewing on him. End result; her mouth was left sucking on something that was very much not skin. Blue eyes bulged. His brain stopped working, just for a moment. It had been ages since he'd been this intimate with anyone and here was someone kissing him after an eternity without any form of any contact physical or otherwise. He lost himself.

Just.

Like.

That.

Still half-asleep, Tohka found herself jostled towards consciousness, if only in part when her back greeted the mattress. Her mouth moved over his, tongue dancing against his own. Hmm. She'd been having such a nice dream, and she was feeling rather good...or was she still dreaming? She'd had a nice thing called a date, then Naruto had beaten up the Mecha Mecha Squad and now he was kissing her, still kissing her...

"Uh...Tohka?"

Nope. Not dreaming.

Her eyes snapped open. Instant awareness. Instant recognition.

"Oh," she greeted him with a yawn and a sleepy smile, scrubbing at her eyes with the back of a hand. No, she realized as she squinted through hazy shards of morning sunlight, this wasn't a dream. It was something oh so much better. It was real. "Its Naruto." her lips curled upwards even further. "Morning." Typical Tohka innocence, with just a dusting of nonchalance. However, when she kissed him again, this time entirely aware. She didn't know why, but kissing felt oh so nice.

"Well, ah, yes...good morning to you, too." Naruto coughed, breaking the kiss.

She wriggled happily against him, purring like a contented kitten. "Kissing is nice. Very nice."

He couldn't have said it any better if he'd tried.

"You know, as much I'm enjoying this, you _do _have to get ready for school."

Her ears twitched in place of her ribbon. "School?"

"Well, yeah. If you're going to have normal life, that's going to be a part of it, unfortunately-

_Brrrmble._

Aaaaaand that would be her stomach.

"But I'm hungry~!"

"Then I'll get you breakfast, first. Whaddya want?"

Her eyes lit up.

"Kinako bread!"

"Sure, we can get some on the way-GAH!"

_"Naruto!"_

Her wary cry and _instant glomp no jutsu_ almost made him proud. It also made him wonder.

Where _was_ Kaguya anyway? He couldn't feel her in the seal. Had she gone outside to pout?

As luck would have it, he'd soon find out.

* * *

_(Not an hour later...)_

"Everyone, let me introduce some new transfer students!" Tamae Okamine chimed happily as the bell rang.

Naruto barely glanced up from his desk, narrowly restraining a smile at his favorite girl in uniform.

"My name is Yatgogami Tohka! Nice to meet you all!" A pause, then, "Can I sit next to Naruto?"

Half the class face-palmed.

"Yes, yes, of course! There's an empty seat right there."

"Yay!"

Now that, he had been expecting. He'd schooled her exhaustively on what to say, and was pleased to see her claim a seat directly beside him. But who was this other newcomer? Lazily, his eyes trailed towards the door as it slid open once more...

...and then they bulged.

_Kaguya?!_

No, no...it was definitely Kaguya, but she looked...younger.

_Much _younger.

Gone was the overwhelming, intimidating body of a grown woman; in her place lay the subtle, graceful beauty of a sixteen-year old girl. She'd discarded her horns and sealed her third eye, but even without those, she'd easily win a beauty pageant he thought. She looked like in ethereal angel, her pale, heart-shaped face and pale eyes framed by a curtain of white silken tresses, brushing the back of her knees. Her eyes sought his from across the the room, gleaming brightly for a moment, before she turned and scribbled her name on the chalkboard.

"You may call me Ootsuki Kaguya-sama." she said, visibly preening beneath the attention of the class. "Overlord of all."

Naruto nearly choked on his own spit.

_'That's the introduction she'd make?!'_

"I would also like a seat next to Naruto." she added smugly, turning to the teacher.

"Um...Kaguya-san? I'm afraid that's not-

**_"I will sit next to Naruto."_**

Okamine-sensei visibly wriggled beneath that penetrating stare. Naruto pitied her. He was just about the only one capable of resisting such a genjutsu; poor Tamae didn't stand a chance. In less than an instant her eyes seemed to glaze over, taking on distant, almost vacant look.

"Well, Origami-chan is absent-

"Then I shall take her seat." Kaguya beamed, striding gracefully to the vacancy.

"What the hell are you doing here, baka usagi?!" he hissed. Calling her a stupid rabbit was the closest thing to an insult, and she knew it.

"I wish to witness the school life for myself." came the haughty-and entirely too loud!-reply from his resident goddess. "'Tis boring, sleeping inside you all day."

"How do you sleep inside someone?" Tohka, ever curious, inquired.

Naruto groaned as a few eyes turned towards them. "Gah! Don't give them ideas like that!"

Kaguya's long lashes fluttered in an innocent blink. "Why, whatever do you mean?"

_'Well, at least this can't get any wor-_

And then, as if to mock that very asertation, the door slid open one last time. His sixth sense screamed an alarm.

If Kaguya was an ethereal beauty then this one was almost ephemeral in appearance. A lone red eye shone out at him from a pale heart-shaped face, framed by dark, lustrous hair the color of night itself. Bound in twin tails that fell nearly over her chest, she looked. A lone eye the color of blood shone out at him.

"My name is Kurumi Tokisaki." she introduced herself with a bow, facing away from the board.

This time, the class erupted.

_"Whoa!"_

_"Ooh!"_

_"She's here!"_

"I am a Spirit." the blackette finished, smiling benignly. Kaguya's laugh told him all he needed to know about the clarity of _that _statement. Then she saw him, and those full lips curled into a smile. "Oh! If it isn't Naruto-san! Sensei, would it be alright if I-

Naruto twitched.

_Why is she acting like she knows me, oi?!_

"No." the still hypnotized Okamine murmured.

"Ara, that's most unfortunate."

Naruto's head struck the desk with enough force to shatter it.

_"Fuck. My. Life."_

* * *

"Is there a problem, Naruto-san?"

Naruto felt his ears twitch as he stormed down the stairs. "No, no problem. None at all...

Yes, there was a problem. The problem was that he'd been roped into showing Kurumi around school; the problem being that his every sense screamed she was dangerous, that she was a spirit, but more than that. He could smell the blood on her. Her very soul-if it could be called such-was stained with it. Kotori insisted that he do something about it and try to win her affections, but when he tried to argue she simply hung up on him. He'd been half-tempted to warp up there and spank her again, but didn't feel like wasting the energy.

Kaguya had taken Tohka off to kami-knew-where for the express purpose of showing her something. He didn't know. Knowing Kaguya, he _really _didn't want to know...and having her at school was a whole other can of worms right there...

Worse, Kurumi gave the distinct impression that she knew him, but for the life of him, he simply couldn't recall meeting someone like her, not a once.

This really wasn't his day...

"Naruto-san?"

Shaking himself back to reality was an effort in and of itself at this point. "Hmm? You say some...why are you holding my arm?" He was still iffy about physical contact. Tohka had opened the door, but it still took will on his part not to slam it shut again. Kurumi was making that very, very difficult indeed...

"Oh? Would you rather...I didn't?" she gazed up at him as they walked, naive and innocent. For some reason, it only made him angry. Tohka was innocent. Tohka was naive. This _creature_ was not. She was insidious and deadly and beguiling and every second spent with her dug under him and bored into his skin like little ants. The worst part of it all was that his body was actually responding to those teasing touches...! He longed for her despite barely knowing her, years of going without, of abstaining all eating at him in this instant.

And he hated himself for his weakness.

_"Cut the act."_

"I haven't the foggiest idea of what you mean, Naruto-san." Kurumi soothed, "I'm not acting at all. I truly enjoy your company." Humming, she returned her attention to the poster before them. "Now, I believe you were telling me the best food here at the school."

"Ramen." it slipped out before he could stop himself. "That's my favorite."

Her laugh was...well, it was actually a little pleasant. No! Vile creature! Evil! _Resist!_

"Ara, that isn't very health for you, is it?"

"Do I look unhealthy to you?" he quipped, glaring.

"No," Her eye traced over him, longingly, fingers tracing the hard notes of his arm. "Not at all." Naruto jerked free, shuddering and cursing his body for betraying him.

"Will you...will you stop that?!"

"Ara," she giggled, grabbing him and hugging even tighter. "Stop what? I'm just touching you."

"I don't like being touched." he muttered.

She poked him in the side.

_"Aaaargh!"_

Such were the next two hours of his life as they toured the premises, trading verbal jabs Kurumi's with Kurumi for the sake of "saving" her. Did she even want to be saved, he wondered? She was the exact opposite of Tohka in almost every way, but try as he might, he still couldn't pinpoint the scent of blood that seemed to emanate from her. It was painfully obvious she was dangerous, but despite that he still lingered, showing her around. Even after Kaguya mentally pinged him that she and Tohka were safely at home, he still didn't leave.

For only the second time in as many days, he was enjoying himself. He told himself he would be ready for whatever tricks she attempted, that he would be prepared.

Finally, he led Kurumi to the roof.

By now, the sun was well past its zenith, painting the world orange and red, a bright easel of color. How long had it been since he'd stopped to admire one of those? Too long. These spirits, these girls...what were they _doing_ to him? Here he was, enjoying something he'd seen countless times in his lifetime. As though he were seeing it for the first time. It frightened him. And yet in the same vein, it also excited.

Simple things, right.

"And there you go." he muttered as Kurumi stepped past him, the words lacking in their rancor. "I've shown you everything about the school. Hope you're satisfied." For a moment it seemed as though she were, gazing out at the fading orb, her fingers curling around the weathered links. Then she turned, and the fading light caught her dark hair _just _so and...wow. He ran a quick check on his psyche just to make certain Kurumi wasn't playing with his head. And, to his disbelief...

...she wasn't.

"Ara, but I would preferred to learn more about you, Naruto-san."

"You barely even know me." he grunted, moving to stand beside her. She still pressed him.

"But I'd like to know more."

The sunset made the sky look bloody now, he thought. Like her eyes.

"Such as?"

That gaze turned hungry. "Whatever you'd like."

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine."

"I suppose that sounds fair."

He wasn't expecting her to outright change in front of him.

Before his very eyes she did a little spin on her left foot and simply...became someone else.

Scarlet streamers of light erupted around her, blowing back her hair and obliterating her uniform in the same instant. Gone was the school attire now, replaced by a frilly, free-flowing red and black dress. Her hair bound itself up in twin ponytails, exposing her left eye at last; a golden orb with what looked like the hands of a clock within. All red and black frills, exposing pale shoulders, she looked like a creature out of some dark fantasy, liable to kill as kiss him, a gun-slinging beauty if he'd ever seen one.

The words tumbled out before he could stop them.

_"You're beautiful."_

For the first time since they'd met, Kurumi _flushed._ "Ara, how bold!" she fanned furiously at her face with a hand, "You really musn't say such things to a lady like me, Naruto-san. You're liable to get me excited_-oh!"_ Her words trailed off into startled silence as his body disintegrated, making way for the aptly named "God Mode" as Kurumi called it. A look of pure lust flickered through those mismatching orbs for what felt like an eternity, only to vanish as he met her lidded gaze.

"My, my, aren't you a fiery one."

"You have no idea." he was suddenly infinitely aware of just how close she was. "But to answer your question; there's a lot to tell."

"We have plenty of time."

The words hit him like a knife in the gut. Time. The one thing he had too much off. "Too much."

Her laugh was a like a wake-up-call, a harsh slap of reality to the face.

"You're strange. How can you have too much time?" his bark of laughter elicited a frown.

_"You're one to talk!"_

Her eyes darkened. "If you knew my abilities, you wouldn't be saying that." the clack of a loaded pistol and rifle filled his ears. "One can never have too much time." Naruto didn't even bat an eyelash. He'd faced greater threats in Kaguya, now his ally, and many others. He had nothing to fear from Kurumi.

"Hey now, I'm not here to start a fight. I'd kill you."

Ah, he knew that grin. "Aren't we confident?"

"No, just tired of killing."

Eventually, she lowered her weapons. "Very well. Continue."

"I worry, you know?" He continued, looking away. "Everywhere I go, I feel like I'm leaving everyone, everything behind." His hand swirled, creating a small rasengan in his palm and banishing it in the same instant. "Its like this jutsu. I let go of it, just for a second, and WHAM! It all blows up in my face. And yet, yesterday, despite knowing the pain it'll eventually bring me, I opened myself to someone."

He almost missed the sadistic look in her eye when he mentioned someone. Almost, but not quite.

The silence was telling.

"Fuck it all, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I barely even know you. And you annoy me." He knew that much was true. Yet on the same level, he found himself enjoying their little verbal spars, found himself hoping Kurumi really wasn't that bad. Oh, he knew she was dangerous. But Tohka was dangerous too, in a different way...

"And what would you do?" she whispered, touching his face. "If you didn't have to worry?"

"Things."

"Such as?" she repeated, turning his visage to hers.

"..."

His eyes went red and the beast-the desire-came roaring out before he could stop it.

_"This."_

In a flash Kurumi found herself all but pinned to the fence, the chain links creaking in protest of her weight. A knee pushed itself between the folds of her skirt and upon her most sensitive area, drawing a warm flush to her cheeks as it pressed against her warm center. A dark, predatory grin pulled at her mouth and her lips were on his before he could even think to kiss her.

_Fierce._

That was perhaps the best way he could think to describe her kisses, full of passion and desire, her body arching up to meet his, despite the pressure he was exerting on her smaller body. For once in his life, Naruto felt no fear of hurting her, with every second her cries-moans?!-told him he was doing everything she wanted. His hand found her breast and fondled it, the other taking up residence on the back of the Spirit's head, forcing her mouth, her tongue ever closer, ever deeper.

It was _freeing. _

Liberating to let go, to lose himself in the moment, the present. To not think, not feel, in spite of the pain he knew it would bring. Kurumi's hands fumbled at his back, fingertips roaming, tracing across every inch of him they could possibly find; as if every second they tangled in one another was an orgasm for her. Maybe it was. Her lips were like fire on his now, his hands tugging at her dress, exposing the pale globe of a breast to the fading daylight before attacking it with his mouth.

It was glorious.

"Ahn~!" Kurumi purred, writhing madly as his mouth found that particularly sensitive spot on said nipple, biting fiercely, "This is why I want you, Naruto-san~! You're bold. Not afraid to take what you want. To demand! You're nothing like Shido...

Just like that, the world stopped. Naruto paused, his desire frozen to ice. Stepped back. Looked Kurumi in the eye.

"Itsuka...Shido?"

In his head, Kaguya cursed across their shared bond. **"Oh, dear. She pressed THAT button."**

"Ara, is there a problem, Naruto-kun?" the blackette smiled innocently, nearly devilish in her delight. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Don't stop now, I was just starting to enjoy myself!"

In essence, he had. She was talking about someone he'd failed to save. The reason he was here, living this life. But he didn't mind that. What bothered him was thus; he'd failed. It was his greatest shame, his greatest failure. To be reminded of his failure on that miserable day ignited something in his chest, a furious fire that refused to be extinguished despite his best efforts. In spite of his legendary restraint, he found himself slowly inching toward violence.

"How do you know about that?"

"I have my ways." she hummed, stepping forward to hold his arm. "That poor girl. Poor, poor Kotori-chan, she's using you as a substitute for the real thing. And Mana..."

A muscle jumped in his jaw.

"But I don't mind," Her tongue touched his cheek before he could think to stop her, licking the whiskers on that side. "I think you're far tastier. After all, I want to eat you up, swallow you whole. Now come Naruto-san, I want you...I want you so badly...

_"Hmph."_

Blue eyes flashed and in the next instant they jumped.

There could be no other word for it Kurumi thought; one moment they'd been inside the school; the next they were simple somewhere else. Teleportation...? She didn't recognize the dark room and even if she had she wouldn't have had the time to contemplate it; because strong hands seized her by the hips and slammed her into the wall with bone-crushing force. A startled gasp fled from her lips.

"Ah!"

An attack like that would've seriously injured a normal human. But Kurumi?

She giggled.

"Oh, so scary," the words tumbled from her breathless lips, curled now in a slight sigh. "I think I rather like this side of you, Naruto-kun." She cocked her head, calmly staring into those furious blue orbs without even a glimmer of fear. "Are you going to ravage me now? Have your way with me?" her hips wriggled against him invitingly. "Make me scream?"

"I could do much worse than that." he growled. "You say you want to devour me for this goal of yours, but tell me**...WHAT WOULD YO DO IF I DEVOURED YOU?"**

"W-W-What...?" A lone red eye stared back at him, widening slightly now in surprise as his nose actually brushed hers then...he put his mouth...**THERE!**

The kiss was as savage as it was sudden, his lips slamming into hers with such force that the enamel of their teeth jarred together with a harsh click. He didn't allow her to retreat, or to advance, he simply pinned her to the wall and did just that; have his way with her. Her clothes were suddenly gone but she barely noticed; her mouth parting for him with a moan, gladly granting access to his tongue, her hands shooting up to entangle themselves around both his neck; her legs, his waist. Ah -this was it!- what she wanted for long...

Every cell of her body was sudden alive and aching, demanding his touch.

Mine.

_Mine!_

**MINE!**

And then it ended.

Abruptly, the room spun wildly around them.

Her vision cleared, and she found herself standing alone in the school's hallway, gasping for breath, disheveled and still dripping with lust. Naked. Naruto's smile was telling. No. No, he hadn't! But he had. Unbalanced, she could only sputter in disbelief. He'd taken them. Her power -her ability!- was gone, as though it had never been. A threat of fear wove itself into the tapestry of her heart.

"I...you...that was..." Words couldn't even begin to describe it.

"If you really want to be scary," he murmured, lips brushing her ear, "You're going to have to do better than that. Much better. Do you know what I think is scary?" his hand moved to cup her face, inching her visage to his. "Losing control. Having no say over what your body does, being bound only to your desires, to be rendered helpless by another. To be powerless. I'm going to show you that fear. The fear you seem to like so much, the very you inflict on others.

A finger thrust itself before her face. "One day." he said, showing her a scroll. "See this? I've used this to seal strange powers and abilities before; takes a lot preparation. Usually one day. That's how long I'm capable of sealing your powers with this method. After that, this baby will disintegrate and you'll get them back. And so for twenty-four hours, you're nothing more...than a normal human. You can be hurt. You can bleed. You can die."

Kurumi stood there for a full three seconds before she realized what that meant. The frailness of her new body. Vulnerability.

_Death._

"You mean...?"

"Can. Will. Did." His smile was decidedly sinister as he threw her his coat.

"Turnabout is fair play."

His hand split the wall mere millimeters from her face. "Not so bold now, are we? If you want those powers of yours back, you're going to have to be a good girl and do what I say. That means no more killing, none of this devouring me business, none of it. Come to think of it, we should go on a date tomorrow, you and I. Twelve o'clock in the plaza? Why _yes_, that sounds wonderful! And I'd stay away from the AST if I were you. Ya might die for reals if they kill ya."

She pouted.

...well, that's not fair at all. You've put me at a sever disadvantage, Naruto-san."

"Sorry, no fucks have been given."

"If that's what you want. "Kurumi remained determined to keep a straight face. "Leaving a poor, vulnerable girl like me out in the open." She did not succeed. Death. The thought chilled her. She didn't want to die. Not before completing her goal. Perhaps not even then. She was fond of living. Even so, she did not wish to give her adversary the satisfaction of seeing her weakness. And yet, the fear persisted. _I don't want to die. If that annoying wizard found me in this state, surely she'd kill me, and then I'd..._

Naruto must have seen that flicker of distress however because his expression changed.

"See, I could leave now, or...

"Or?"

..._ooooooor_ you could take my hand and save yourself the trouble of hiding the whole day until our date." he said, offering her his upturned palm. "Its your choice." There. If she refused, he was determined to wash his hands of her for today and leave it up to whimsy. He was a firm believer in helping lost causes, but if she was going to be stubborn about it, there was no point in even trying.

He thought he saw a flash of gold beneath her hair, just then. Her other eye, perhaps?

"And if I don't?"

"You're basically screwed." he grinned.

"Ara, it seems I don't have much choice then, Naruto-san."

"No. You don't."

"Very well," Kurumi accepted his hand demurely feeling like she'd just been trolled, "I accept your humble offer of hospitality. I hope you won't do anything untoward to me until our date."

_Oh, how little she knew..._

* * *

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go! An ageless, immortal, or at the very least, ridiculously hard to kill, Uzumaki Naruto, in the Date A Live universe. A cross like this was actually easy to do, given its Japan and all, so I went with it easily. And to those looking forward to my future Naruto self-insert story, I can promise you its-a-comin'! As are my Bleach and Naruto one's. If you want to see my first attempt at a Self-Insert story with a twist, be sure to check out Not a Hero on my profile page! **

**I eagerly await your reviews and responses to both that fic, and this! Don't worry, Yoshino's scenario's going to be quite different from the one in the show, but I want to dedicate a full chapter to her, for that. Look forward to it, ya know!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes you smile. And Review! Or face the wrath of TOHKA! BAHAHAHA! I'm also switching things up here! Tis a short one!**

**(Preview)**

_"Naruto...what is sex?"_

_The blond promptly spat out his drink in hilarious fashion. Of course, since he was facing a wall, that resulted in him spewing juice all over his nice new clothes. The clothes he'd been intending to wear for his date, now dripping with orange juice. Somewhere in the house, he could have sworn he heard Kaguya cackle. An eye began to twitch, a muscle jumping in his jaw._

_"Ara," Kurumu giggled behind her hand, "It seems you've made a mess, Naruto-san."_

_Sputtering, he turned his attentions on the one who had started all this._

_"Tohka..._

_"Hai?" she blinked, her words muffled around a piece of kinako bread._

_"Who told you to ask me that?" His eye was twitching violently now, which made her wonder if she'd said something wrong. But she saw no reason why she shouldn't tell him the truth...what could possibly be the harm in it? So she swallowed her snack and did just that. She told him:_

_"Kaguya Onee-sama did, of course!"_

_"Oi oi oi oi..._

**R&amp;R!=D**


	4. Like a Kick in the Face

**A/N: Sooooo, at the time of this post the site is being glitchy. Reviews are not showing up for some people, and for others, they can't even access them through anything but their email. Most find that a "Review not found" message pops up when they try to access it. I believe this is a problem on the site's end and they'll have it fixed soon, so I apologize if I'm unable to get back to ya'll soon. But don't let that stop you from reviewing! It'll still be there, I'll just have to contact you via PM, that's all.**

**Also, been watching Overlord as of late. Very entertaining...BUT WHERE IS MY SEASON TWO, OI?!**

**ALSO!**

**Apparently there are quite a few new Spirits now. And I have ideas aplenty!**

** HELLO CHAPS~! Miss me? VIVA LA REQUEST YEARS! Well, I've been gone awhile, but I'm back. Lets just say there were...issues with my health and such. But those are behind me! I fear not the flamers nor the flames that they bring, for I am back and I am here to STAY!**

**And let's clarify something.**

**Naruto's method of "sealing" powers isn't very effective. Its not the right way and it gets weaker each time he does it. Hence the canon, tried-and-true method.**

**Plus, its just fun seeing him squirm.**

**And yes, he'll patch things up with Tobiichi, he's just super pissed at her right now.**

**LET THE CRAZY DATE TRIP BEGIN!**

**VIVA LA DATE A LIVE! **

_"I'll forgive you on one condition."_

_"And what might that be?"_

_"Ramen!"_

_...eh?"_

_~?_

**Like a Kick in the Face**

"Oi, Naruto! Wake up!"

Blue eyes lazily creaked open to sharpened shards of sunlight, squinting against the early morning sun. _Ugh. Already?_ Naruto groaned and tried to turn over, to no avail. The light followed him wherever he went, much to his ire._ Damn thing,_ he mused absently, swatting at it with a sleepy hand. He really should consider installing curtains in the windows one of these days. That, or blotting out the sun altogether. No, wait, that'd make everyone freeze to death. Bad idea. Curtains it was then. Oooh, maybe could make them orange, and then the carpets and the walls and the _ceiling..._

"NARUTO!"

A tap on his forehead reminded him of when and where he was, reality reasserting itself with a soft pop of sound. Kotori glared down at him, cheeks puffed out in quiet indignation, the lightest of flushes adorning her face. Adorable, really. It made him want to just grab her in a big huge._ Cute~!_

Kotori colored to the very roots of her hair.

"C-C-C-Cute?!"

Oh.

Oops.

He might've said that out loud.

"Hmm?" Naruto yawned. "What does my beloved little sister want?"

"Why is the _army_ waiting outside our door?" she demanded.

"That depends." a blink. "Are they flying?"

...yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, Kurumi and I fought yesterday, but its fine." rolling his shoulders, he scrubbed at an eye with the back of his hand. "I was able to seal her powers away for a bit using my alternative method, so I guess you could say she's under house arrest for the time being. I wouldn't be surprised if they tracked us here because of that. Wasn't exactly subtle about it."

Alert, the little redhead twitched.

...b-by house arrest...do you mean...

"Yeah. She's sleeping on the couch, downstairs."

_**"WHAT?!"**_

_"Sleepy."_

If she'd expected her shout to rouse him from his lethargy she was going to be disappointed. Naruto simply looked at her. Glanced back to the the drooling form of Tohka beside him, her head nestled firmly in a pillow's warm embrace. Yawned. Then in one smooth, liquid movement, he snatched the blanket out of Kotori's hands and rolled over. To Kotori's dismay, he actually started snoring, too!

Furious, she flew at him!

_"Don't go back to sleep!"_

"Oomph!"

Naruto grunted in surprise as her feet crashed down into his stomach with all the force of a hurricane. Breath exploded out of him with a dry wheeze, but even then he refused to rise from the bed. His sole concession came in the form of another yawn, after which he simply rolled over and dislodged the startled redhead, depositing her neatly at the foot of the bed. Or more aptly, in his lap.

"Aw, if you wanted to sleep with me that much, you just had to ask~!"

Steam.

Actual _steam_ poured out of her ears!

"BAKA!" She cried! "NARUTO NO BAKAAAA!"

"Hey, hey, hey." a lazy hand rose, catching her fist when she swatted at him ineffectually. "Not so loud. So? Which one is it? Those _JGSDF_ girls or Westcott and his _Deus Ex Machina_ bastards that keep pestering us?"

Struggling to master her burning face, the fiery spirit shot the bemused blond a glower.

...pretty sure its the latter."

"Is Tobiichii with them?"

...no?"

"And the barrier's still up?"

Kotori blinked.

"What barrier?"

"The only currently presenting them from burning our happy little home to the ground." Here at last he sat up, that deceptively sleepy visage reflecting some semblance of emotion. "You haven't tried to go outside yet, have you?" At a shake of her head, his smile grew. "That's why they didn't outright storm the place while we were asleep. Its also why you haven't thought to go outside, yet." A finger tapped her between the eyes. "On a subconscious level, your brain simply can't think of going outside while the barrier is up. The reverse applies for those on the outside. They can shout and rail against it all they like, but they won't be coming in unless I allow it."

...that's actually kinda scary."

"Isn't it, though?!" He grinned. "I put it up in a fit of paranoia, but-

Kotori growled.

"Just do something about those idiots, already!"

Naruto yawned anew.

"Well, alright then."

It was a very expressive yawn Kotori thought; loud enough to rattle the windows and shake their house right down to its foundations. Impressive too, well past the point of being outright brash. She knew the act was as much for her sake, as it was his own. He was trying his damndest to be a good brother to her, to give her some semblance of a normal life, and she appreciated the effort. Admired it, even if that wasn't the kind of love she sought from him. It would've been easy for him to cut and run after the mistake he'd made so long ago, to just wipe her mind and be done with it. But he didn't, and he hadn't, and Kotori adored him for it. She even found herself rather enjoying his little eccentric acts, these days.

"Up we go!"

What she _did _mind was the expansive view she received as the blond sat up.

"W-W-Why are you naked?!"

A blink. "Eh? Why not?"

"PERVERT!"

"Hush!" Chuckling, he flicked a finger towards the still sleeping Tohka. "Wouldn't want to wake our princess now, would we?"

"Princess?"

"Meh, the name kinda stuck...

With slow tottering steps, the deity stumbled out of the room, materializing clothes and a cloak as he went. For the occasion he chose to forgo casual wear and stray back into the realm of the elaborate. Well, if the army really _was _standing right at his doorstep, they probably wouldn't be very intimidated by some half-dressed slob in sweatpants. If anything, they'd laugh him right out of town! He couldn't allow such a travesty. Moreover, his pride simply wouldn't stand for it. There were certain standards a man had to meet, after all. Striking fear into the hearts of his enemies was one.

So he put on his Sunday best.

"Neh, Kotori?"

"W-What?" the redhead squeaked at the sudden inquiry, peeking through her hands as a pitch black aura stemmed from his shoulders and slowly engulfed his body from head to toe. She wasn't looking, or so she told herself. Nope. No peeking. Absolutely not. Not even a little bit...

"Have you ever watched Overlord?" her foster brother inquired happily.

"You know I don't watch anime, Naruto-nii-chan."

"Ah." slim shoulders slumped. "Too bad. I was going to make a nice quote, there...guess the armor will have to do."

"Armor?"

Dark pauldrons and gold-embossed vambraces blossomed into existence where none had been before, lending an aura of menace. Followed shortly by greaves, then boots, a breastplate, and a flowing red cape draped over a shoulder. Another thought called a pair of towering, greatswords to his back, crossed in the distinctive shape of an X in all their sheathed glory. Even then they radiated wisps of shadow. That was their purpose. He was going for a look of absolute menace, attempting to drive his point home. In a rare fit of glee he banished the helm, leaving his whiskered face bare, faint shadows masking his eyes.

It did not, however, mask the look of primordial glee on his features.

"The name _Naruto_ does not know defeat!"

"That was a reference, wasn't it?"

"Indeed." he grinned.

A facepalm followed.

"My brother, the Otaku...

"Libel! Anime is love, anime is life!"

Kotori simply sighed and fought the urge to burn Naruto's cape.

By the time they'd finished cresting the stairs he was fully garbed in a dark-in his mind-and thoroughly menacing suit of armor. While this couldn't compare to the sheer shock factor of strutting about in his birthday suit, he found it acceptable all the same. After all, it wouldn't do to greet his guests in the buff, after all. No matter how amusing it might be to see the looks on their faces. Meh. A prank for latter. Ah, opportunities! He'd try to use them on the next squad who came knocking. _If_ they came knocking.

"So," he chimed, "Wanna come with? I'm going to put on a bit of a show."

Kotori blinked.

...what."

"A show." the blond elucidated with a chipper grin. "Whoever they are, they had the nerve to show up at our doorstep. OUR. HOME. If I don't send them packing Westcott and the others will think they can just walk all over us and Rataoskr. Ergo, we need to bring the boot down on them. Hard."

"How hard?"

"Like Thor's fucking hammer."

"Again, you've lost me, Naruto-nii."

"You need to watch more television, oi!"

There was a spring to his step now she noted, one that had not existed before. As if someone'd lifted great and terrible burden from his shoulders. He seemed almost...chipper. Well, as chipper as a god masquerading as a human could be, she supposed. It was downright infectious. She all but nearly forgotten just how contagious Naruto's unique brand of lunacy could be when he really got going. Honestly, it was almost enough to make Kotori look forward to the hell her dear brother was about to unleash.

That cheer lasted until they reached the living room and she saw Kurumi.

_There she was._

The sneaky little harlot lay sprawled out across the couch as if she owned the damn thing, a sleepy smile adorning her pale visage. Worse, she was wearing one of Naruto's shirts-ONE OF HER BELOVED BROTHER'S SHIRTS-while she snuggled the covers. Or was she? She thought she caught sight of a half-lidded eye watching her, but that might had For a fleeting moment, Kotori honestly considered burning her and saving herself a world of trouble. It would only require the slightest application of her power and-

"Kotori," Naruto's voice cracked like a whip, "We do not burn our guests. Even if they deserve it."

"Damn."

Gritting her teeth and a withering glare for the slumbering blackette, she marched out the door after him. The red yang barrier parted like water before her passage, allowing her entry. Reality snapped back before her very eyes, exposing her to the waning morning light.

Allowing her to see their so-called guests.

They certainly weren't from the JGDSF, and neither was the palpable aura of bloodlust emanating for their leader. Sporting long curly dark red hair and fox-like icy blue eyes, she wore a Combat-Realizer-Unit with dark pink and grayish red as the main color scheme. That was slightly startling by herself, but it was the way her cold gaze snapped to Naruto that left alarms ringing in the back of the redhead's mind. There was a...strange hunger there in that gaze, a longing for battle that instantly put her on edge. As did those of her minions, with their, lesser, blue/black suits doing nothing to convey the looks of absolute loathing she saw in their eyes.

Lots of the new Combat Realizers here.

This...might be troublesome after all, she thought.

"Well?" Naruto began sharply, tilting his head to regard the gaggle of girls assembled before them "What do you insects want with me? Have you come to be submit your lives? Or perhaps pledge your souls to your new Overlord? If you submit yourselves quietly, I promise to make your deaths painless."

_..pfft!"_

It took every fiber of Kotori's being not to burst into laughter then and there. Had she done so, she was certain to have ruined the moment. That, and the looks of utter dread carved into their faces. And to think, she'd actually been worried! Naruto seemed intent on putting on a show again and today, she found herself inclined to let him have his way. Worth it. In every conceivable way. Indeed, several shrank back at the sight of the armored titan and his rumbling voice, but the one in pink did not. To Kotori's surprise-and dismay-she stepped forward to meet the blond, staring up at him with impunity.

"You are under suspicion of harboring a known Spirit." their leader stated. "Give yourself up and submit to questioning at once."

Divine silence was the blond's humble reply.

"Did I not make myself clear, scum?

"What's the password."

A rapid blink.

...ha?"

"The password." Naruto repeated jovially, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "A few folks in the JGSDF know it. Mana does, too. Since you don't, I'd wager she's not with you on this. You see, I have a bit of leeway with them. They don't bother me and I don't turn them inside out. You on the other hand...might I ask your name?"

"Jessica Bailey."

With a supreme effort of will, Kotori bit back the instinctive urge to stomp her into the ground.

Naruto merely laughed.

It was a deep, throaty sound; a noise that had no business issuing forth from a human throat. And yet it did all the same, and something in her shrank away in fear.

"My dearest apologies, then." Naruto replied, shooting the haughty Jessica a patronizing look. " I'm sorry, but I'm a very selfish person. And right now these girls have given meaning to my life. They've given me a purpose again, something to do, to be, when I had nothing at all. So, no. I'm afraid I won't be letting you take them."

"There's only two of you." she challenged. "I have eight."

"Have you ever watched an anime, Jessica-chan?"

A blink.

"Why would I watch that crap?"

"Fair enough. Do you believe in God, then?"

...no?"

"Well, that's a pity." the blond sighed, a dark cloud of depression falling over his features. "Y'see, back in my day I was something of a big shot, so trust me when I say I've got this." a hand rose and fell, dismissing her and her squad with a negligent gesture. "So now that you know, you and your girls can just run along home-yes as a matter of fact, you should do that. Now. Right _fucking_ now. Because I don't like being woken up this early in the morning and I enjoy being _bitched at by little girls who don't know their place _even less. As she looked on, that very same hand _twitched_, producing a sickening pop as his fingers clenched, knuckles popping loudly. If you don't..."

Azure eyes narrowed.

...well, I can't guarantee your safety."

"Is that supposed to frighten me?"

If anything, he rose to the quip.

"I am Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto replied, reaching from one of the massive blades upon his back. "Former Leader of Konoha, pariah and ramen extraordinaire." The weapon flew free with an explosive hiss, metal grinding against the well oiled sheathe as the curved sword ripped itself free. "Did you know there was once a time long ago when everyone in this world knew my name. Since those days, I have walked this world dozens of times over, unravelled its many mysteries and secrets. I am a fuck-mothering god, who killed a lot of people to get this title, and deserve to be called such. And, no, none of that was meant to frighten you."

Blue eyes burned red.

"This, however, _is."_

Then hell came to earth.

For a fleeting instant, Jessica Bailey saw her death in those eyes. As though she'd stared into the face of the reaper himself. An immense, almighty pressure crashed down on her soldiers; as if an entire ocean had just opened up and drenched her in a raw river of dread. She saw herself die a thousand different deaths in a heartbeat, the span of a single blink, all locked in her mind's eye. Slowly that hand seemed to rise before her gaze, fingers beckoning, crooking into a claw-

"Naruto!" Kurumi's voice sang from within the house. "What's for breakfast?"

Just like that, the visage of death vanished.

"Pancakes, of course~!" he called back.

In one smooth movement he turned his back on her and the pressure abated.

"Well," he remarked, "That's how it is. I suggest you leave, now."

"What, just like that?!" Kotori balked, quietly incredulous.

"Just like that." he affirmed. "She's of no threat, now."

Face flaming, the brunette clamored to her feet.

How dare he.

A red haze draped itself across her vision, stripping away all sense. Distantly, she was aware of her subordinates calling out to her, but only just; as though that sea of dread from before had stripped her of her senses, leaving only an empty shell behind. A husk, filled with sound and fury, a singular, all-encompassing rage.

_How dare he!_

Did he think this would be enough to drive her off like some hapless schoolgirl?! Just a little intimidation? Of all the unmitigated gall! Now he dared to walk away from her?! To deny her the satisfaction she sought. The bastard! The absolute bastard! Trembling, she tried-and failed-to point her weapon at him, only to find that her hand was shaking so badly she could no longer grasp it in her palm. The realization fanned the flames of her indignation to an all time high, and the brunette felt something break in her.

_**HOW! DARE! HE!**_

"Arrest him!"

Naruto sighed.

Two fingers rose lazily.

"That's far enough."

A blue nimbus of light encompassed the DEM soldiers mid lunge even as they lunged towards his unprotected back, the very air itself betraying them as their world burned blue. Jessica, proud, arrogant, _stupid_ Jessica Bailey barely had time to balk at it, to realize her monumental mistake before gravity took hold of her. Still the burning light grew ever brighter, searing her eyelids when she tried to close them. In her heart of hearts, some part of her knew. Some small, infinitesmal slice of her soul knew what was coming, felt it as the very air itself began to burn.

Throughout it all, the blond deity simply observed her plight with a small smile.

"Oh, dear." he hummed quietly. "I seem to have broken you. So fragile."

Leaning forwards, he tucked an armored hand beneath her chin.

"I'll be using you to send your master a message, Jess-chan."

The vice tightened, and the chakra in the air burned anew.

Naruto's smile stretched across his face in an ugly grin.

_**"God Art: Fallen Down."**_

It was then, as the light took her, that Jessica Bailey knew.

_She'd fucked up._

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go! An ageless, immortal, or at the very least, ridiculously hard to kill, Uzumaki Naruto, in the Date A Live universe. A cross like this was actually easy to do, given its Japan and all, so I went with it easily. And to those looking forward to my future Naruto self-insert story, I can promise you its-a-comin'! As are my Bleach and Naruto one's. If you want to see my first attempt at a Self-Insert story with a twist, be sure to check out Not a Hero on my profile page! **

**I eagerly await your reviews and responses to both that fic, and this! Don't worry, Yoshino's scenario's going to be quite different from the one in the show, but I want to dedicate a full chapter to her, for that. Look forward to it, ya know!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes you smile. And Review! Or face the wrath of TOHKA! BAHAHAHA! I'm also switching things up here! Tis a short one!**

**(Preview)**

_"Ara, that was very impressive-_

_WHAP!_

_Kurumi yelped._

_"Why are you doing this?!"_

_"Because your little stunt from yesterday had the army on my ass." the blond replied, leaving the blackette to massage her throbbing rear. Red-faced, she turned her_

_His hand descended sharply._

_"SPANk-NO-JUTSU!"_

* * *

_Ellen Mira Matthers was not a woman who could be provoked easily._

_Nevertheless, she found her temper rising as she stared him down._

_Spirt? God? _

_Didn't matter._

_She would not loose to such a being._

_Naruto twitched._

_"This is stupid." he declared abruptly._

_Ellen bristled, brandishing her blade at the perturbed shinobi._

_"Giving up already?" she sneered._

_"What?"_

_"I said I'm not doing this." the blond replied sternly, leveling a rigid finger in her direction. "You're messing with me," he growled, teeth flashing, "Trying to take what's most precious in my life, so I feel its only fair that I return the favor." As she looked on, the bloodied blond spread his arms wide, palms splayed, as though he were trying to embrace the very heavens themselves. "Now, then, Ellen-san, I'm going to usurp that flawless control of yours and** make you kneel."**_

_"What are you prattling on about?!"_

_But the deity wasn't listening._

_"Legion." he intoned solemnly. "Activate. Initiate system wide hack on enemy system." Before her very eyes, a pale green visor snapped down over those dark blue eyes, a strange HUD-heads up display-flickering to life there as she looked on in befuddlement. Hack? Her? As if her Pendragon, her Combat Realizer, could possibly be overcome by a paltry toy such as-_

**_'We are assuming control.'_**

_A flat, masculine voice said otherwise._

_In the next instant, an involuntary shudder spasmed through her back and shoulders._

_Oh._

_Oh dear._

_"What in the-_

**_'Ellen-Wizard. Your security is laughable. We have taken control.'_**

_"How dare you infiltrate-_

**_'Geth do not infiltrate.'_**

_"That combat realizer is a fascinating machine." Naruto's voice purred in her ear. "It contains all manner of functions, systems you're not even aware of. Legion, my friend? Let's make her feel good."_

_With mounting horror, the Wizard realized what was about to transpire. _

**_"Setting Nerve Stim Package to Maximum. Level: 10."_**

_Ellen had just enough time to stiffen in surprise._

_"Oh, you snarky son of a bi-_

_And her world went white._

**R&amp;R!=D**


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